09 December 2010

Warning: Totally Emo


Who, me? Good. Definitely.
Originally uploaded by Nancy Dunne
Right, so the last few posts here at the Lettuce have been pretty upbeat, I think. I've been making an effort, anyway, not sure that it's come across as such but we do what we can. NaNoWriMo kept me busy and focused throughout November, so perhaps my current attitude is just the big let down after a month of up? Not sure. Whatever it is, though, you have been warned.

A lot has been going on lately. Tempers are on a hair-trigger. I include my own in that statement, as anything seems to have the potential to set me off these days. Today I was yelling at the telly as students were destroying Parliament Square, then a few hours later I was crying my eyes out watching the lighting of the White House Christmas Tree. Thank goodness it didn't involve the National Anthem or you'd have heard me sobbing from all the way over where you are...wherever that is.

Work is stressful but that's pretty much a given during the run up to Christmas. Daisy and Mills and Simon and I are healthy but I'm not sure I'd go on record as saying we're 100% happy all the time. I miss Hunky and Jeany (and all my other furbabies, don't mistake) more this time of year than the rest of the time, and I guess that's why I picked that photo for the post tonight.

I seem to spend an inordinate amount of time wishing I was still in that little house with that little tree and my little life... or that I was just anywhere but here. Normal for an expat during holidays, I get that. Even more so for one like me who really didn't 100% WANT to be an expat in the first place...and who can't wait to go back home. It affects everything I do...home is perfect, here is not. My rational mind knows that isn't the case, but I've got to say, the UK right now is giving me plenty of reasons to think I might be on the right track.

New government. Cuts to public spending. Angry students breaking windows and putting graffiti on walls. Customers (and others, mind you) in the store where I work that thinking they can say anything they like to me once they hear my accent. Some days I want to break windows and spray paint buildings and lob concrete blocks, but I don't. I take it out on you, my poor Lettuce readers. (I did warn you. Right there, in the title. See?)

Does that make me better than someone else? No, but it surely does color my perspective on some issues. Does that make me wrong? No. Will I become violent if I keep hearing that my experiences, my views, my perspectives on life and the world are somehow inferior or less enlightened? Possibly...

Who me? Good. Definitely. Just today I don't feel good enough.

3 comments:

R. David Parker said...

Oh, Pumpkin. That does not make you emo, that makes you human. :) You have been away from home for a long time - home is not perfect either. It is nice to get away from the US and then back, it helps put everything in perspective.

Hold on - things we be OK?

Nancy E. Dunne said...

Thanks sweetie. I needed that...I guess everyone here is tired of my whinging and now and then all I need is for someone to say what you did. I so hope I'm gonna get to come see you in the frozen north before I move back home.

eBeth said...

Sometimes it just sucks being an expat and far away from where you want to be, especially around the holidays.

All I can say is that you're not alone... And hey - there's a direct train service to Peterborough if you ever need a break from the north.. We don't have a Nandos, but I could make meatloaf!

Hang in there.. /hug

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