I am officially...
...tired (of the psych hospital...of the drive TO the psych hospital...of having a dirty house and no motivation nor energy to clean it).
...frustrated (the perfect job comes available for me and I can't take it because of my upcoming trip to the UK...and the fact that it doesn't carry benefits).
...lonely for Simon (it's now been over four months since I've seen him).
...achy (muscles I didn't know I had in my neck feel like concrete).
...ready for it to be January and the chips to fall where they may...ready to move to wherever, find a job wherever...just ready to be past all this bloody ridiculous and counter-productive waiting and anxiety. It's hard to get anything done when your emotions are so raw that you are quite literally reluctant to open your mouth for fear of either snapping or weeping. Most unattractive.
Oh, and just in case anyone is wondering, I know that I'll be leaving my family in the US to move to England, I know that the sign language is different there so I can't work, and I know that despite the fact that I'm clearly quite selfish I'm also positively rubbish at saving money for myself and we're most likely going to starve. Thanks for wanting to remind me, though. Seriously. The support means everything.
Hang on, my tongue seems to be lodged in my cheek. There, that's better.
I'm going to go crawl under my ratty old Ikea duvet and hide until 6:30am tomorrow when I get to do it all again. Hoo-friggin-rah.
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3 comments:
Oh Nan! I'm sorry you're feeling so anxious and blue. I know waiting around to see your guy again is so hard.
You guys are going to do great in England - I can't wait to read your blog posts about how you are adjusting to life in another country. I think you're going to be very happy.
Thanks...I hope so. In fact I know so, it's the getting there part that is making me borderline psychotic...
Hey... this too shall pass. Read your banner (CK quote). Breathe. Pet a dog or three. Smile... you will be fine. I know it sucks right now while you are going through it, but in a year or two you are not even going to remember how stressed you are right now :) Your friends and family love you, even when we are acting like selfish jerks
-K
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