Katrina

I have never been through the direct effect of a hurricane. I watched last August (via an internet message board) as my Daisy girl and her littermates were born during the hurricanes that ravaged Florida. Living in South Carolina, I of course have been told over and over the tale of Hurricane Hugo. I remember a friend of mine in college talking about the interpreter on the TV in Miami during Hurricane Andrew. But I have never in my life seen anything that has hurt my heart as much as what I'm seeing on the news coming out of New Orleans and the gulf coast of Mississippi.

The one man (that I'm sure everyone has seen on CNN by now) who lost his wife...he was holding onto her arm to keep her on their roof and after she told him that he couldn't keep that up she slipped into the water and was washed away...even the reporter on CNN was in tears...

I'll be lighting candles, saying prayers, and checking in to see if the state of SC will be lending our disaster team to Louisiana...bless all their hearts. May they find relief from the wet and damp...may they find some comfort.

Thanks to Dave for ANOTHER Quiz...

Which Major Romantic Poet Would You Be (if You Were a Major Romantic Poet)?



You are Samuel Taylor Coleridge! The infamous
"archangel a little damaged!" You
took drugs and talked for hours, it's true, but
you also made a conscious choice to cultivate
the image of the deranged poet in a frenzy of
genius. You claimed you wrote "Kubla
Khan" in an afternoon after a laudanum,
when you pretty manifestly did no such thing.
You and your flashing eyes and floating hair.
And your brilliant scholarship and obvious
genius.

brought to you by Quizilla

An Open Apology to Anonymous Commenters

You're no longer going to be able to post anonymous comments to my blog. Sorry. If you are incensed over your new inability to comment on my blog without registering for blogger, here is a list of the folks that you can hold responsible for this change. Thanks to these folks using my blog as a marketing tool, I've changed the formatting of the comments section.

##home based business##

link exchanging site

recycling and recycle center

forex mini

Subliminal Messages

The Subliminal Messages guy got an email from me, as his was the first comment to come in. You can be sure if I get a response it will get posted here.

Here's my absolute favorite one:

herpes simplex type

Yeah, I'm giving them recognition by posting here, I realize that. But I'm also giving them some bad press...these folks chose to use my blog for marketing purposes. Tsk Tsk...

I'm also considering that since I got all of these comments in the space of about 3 minutes that I've been targeted for a spam attack. No matter. I'll get to the bottom of that as well, if that is the case.

In the meantime, to you who have been posting anonymously, I'm sorry. You're going to have to register to post a comment now. Thank the spammers listed above.

A Little Loreena...

I got the most wonderful thing in the mail today. A few weeks ago I won an auction on Ebay for Loreena McKennitt's Live in Paris and Toronto album. I already had a copy of this album, but one of the CDs has gone missing and the other one got horribly scratched while bouncing about in the Element.

I was first introduced to her music as many of us were, by the song The Mummer's Dance which enjoyed brief radio airplay nearly 10 years ago. Now being a confessed anglophile and celtic-music-o-phile (yeah, I made that word up), I fell in love with her music at first listen. If you saw the TNT mini-series Mists of Avalon, you heard another of her songs, The Mystic's Dream, as Morgaine parted the mists surrounding the island of Avalon.

My absolute favorite of her tunes, however, sparked my bidding on a second copy of Live in Paris and Toronto. The last song on the first disc is Dante's Prayer, and it is my absolute favorite of hers. Do follow the link and have a listen...she is a spellbinding artist, and checking the mail to find that CD inside today was well worth the drive across town to the Post Office.

DANTE'S PRAYER

Words and music by Loreena McKennitt

When the dark wood fell before me
And all the paths were overgrown
When the priests of pride say there is no other way
I tilled the sorrows of stone

I did not believe because I could not see
Though you came to me in the night
When the dawn seemed forever lost
You showed me your love in the light of the stars

Cast your eyes on the ocean
Cast your soul to the sea
When the dark night seems endless
Please remember me

Then the mountain rose before me
By the deep well of desire
From the fountain of forgiveness
Beyond the ice and fire

Cast your eyes on the ocean
Cast your soul to the sea
When the dark night seems endless
Please remember me

Though we share this humble path, alone
How fragile is the heart
Oh give these clay feet wings to fly
To touch the face of the stars

Breathe life into this feeble heart
Lift this mortal veil of fear
Take these crumbled hopes, etched with tears
We'll rise above these earthly cares

Cast your eyes on the ocean
Cast your soul to the sea
When the dark night seems endless
Please remember me
Please remember me

I love Get Fuzzy...

Bucky Katt on Raw Feeding:


No, I haven't bought that for my dogs to eat...yet.

Words We Know...Drew Inspired...

After reading Amy's post in the above link, I started thinking about words that have crossed the species barrier in my house. We have some words that the houndies know, and some that even the aloof kitties know. Of course I would never try to draw a comparison between the Ever Intelligent, Handsome, and quite Vocal Prince Drew and my animals...but humor me.

Hound Vocabulary:

1. Okay, All right. This means that the human in residence is going to let you go out or do something good for you, so the appropriate response is to be as silly and bouncy as you can and try to herd the humans to the nearest exit.

2. Hungry, Eat. The Mommy human always says these words before breakfast and dinner, so the hounds respond by the aforementioned silly and bouncy. Sometimes, if Hunk is not sure that I mean it when I ask "Are you HUNGRY?" he will put his ears up as high as he can to make sure he heard me correctly.

3. No-No. This is negotiable, and occasionally falls under the category of "I will obey when I'm good and darned well ready..."

4. Shoo shoo moo shoo! This translates roughly as "Get away from my food/the desk/the kitchen/my ice cream," and is in the same category as No-No, especially if the aforementioned attention grabbing object contains cheese.

5. Yum Yum. I can thank Joanne for this one, as she uses it to mean treat for her boys. Hunky caught on very quickly that if he is HUNGRY and wants to EAT that Miss Joanne will have YUM YUMs in her bag...

6. Out? All Out Pandemonium, regardless of how soon it's been since they were just Out?

7. Hey Hey Hey! Obviously someone has been growly or showing teeth. This means Stop, Drop, and Roll or the Mommy will skin you and hang your fur on the flagpole. (Not really. They're way too fast for me to do that...)

8. I wuv you, Hunky Monkey. In Hunky-speak, this is the command to take his tongue and lick his mommy from her chin up to her hair, hopefully causing her to giggle just as it passes her mouth. Usually followed by "Hunky, I don't like you like that..."

9. Sofa! Hunky's favorite word...it means he has permission to hop up on the...you guessed it, SOFA and settle in for a nap.

10. The last one is not a word, but a noise. My boys almost respond better to me making a loud gasping noise than saying "no" to them. GASP followed by a name means that the houndy in question has done something just horrible...and if it continues, see consequence number 7.

Kitty Vocabulary:

The cats used to know a lot of words that they have forgotten since the advent of the hounds in our lives. Zooey still knows "No-No" and "Get Down." They also know the typical "Here kitty kitty..." and Mills will talk to you if you talk in Cat. (Me: Ow-wow? Mills: Uh-oh. Me: Uh-oh Meeee-uhls! Mills: Ow-wow. Etc. Just ask Amy's cat Bastien...I'm fluent in Cat.)

Now that I'm sure you all think I'm a raving lunatic...It's time for me to GO OUT? because I am HUNGRY and ready to EAT so I'm going to hunt down a YUM YUM and then crash out on the SOFA once I can SHOO SHOO MOO SHOO the hounds off. Ow-wow?

My current desktop wallpaper...me and my Grandmama. I'm the one without the glasses... 

I feel the earth move under my feet...

A little under 2 hours ago, as I was playing Everquest, I had the oddest sensation. It was a kind of a buzzy feeling, like someone had put my pager on the top of my head as it was going off. Everything was vibrating for about 5-10 seconds, and then it stopped. I didn't think much of it, figured it was windy out or a big truck had gone by (we have a neighbor that drives an 18 wheeler).

Imagine my surprise when I get an email alert from our local NBC affiliate about the 3.8 quake that struck the western carolinas tonight at 11pm. WHAT? Earthquake? This isn't California! Apparently people from Knoxville to Augusta felt it, and there were four people in my zip code that reported it according to the United States Geological Survey website. I'll have to call my parents tomorrow and see if they felt it because their zip code showed up on the map as well. Someone in Cleveland, Georgia felt it!



If you look at the enlarged image, you can see the star indicating the epicenter of the quake, and the different colored counties indicate the intensity felt. This map was generated by the USGS.

One person, I think, from where Amy lives reported it and I'd be willing to bet the report came from her house. I don't think it was felt far enough over for Susan and Dave to have felt it because Cobb County isn't represented on the zip code map. This is just the weirdest thing that's ever happened to me...I can't imagine living in a place like California where these things happen often. I remember Scott being out there for work once and I told HIM there had been a small quake in San Diego. He didn't even NOTICE.

I can't wait until tomorrow when I'm more awake and can read more on the USGS site. Wow. An earthquake in South Carolina...who'da thunk it?

Revelations in Green...Day

I've been accused on more than one occasion of being rather exclusionary when it comes to what I do for a living. I don't know if I am, any more than I know if exclusionary is really a word or if I just made it up. What I do know is that I have a hard time finding anyone that can really "get" what it is I do unless they are interpreters themselves or have Deaf/HOH people in their family or close circle of friends. I don't say that because I'm proud of it or ashamed of it, it's just how it is. Sometimes it works in my favor...many people who don't get what I do just leave me alone to do it. Sometimes it makes my life hard, when people either expect me to do things that I can't or worse, become angry with me for refusing to do things that ethically I just can't do.

I was driving home from a ROUGH assignment today when Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Green Day came on the cd player. I love the song but today it just seemed to have extra meaning for me when thinking about my job.

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I have been signing and somewhat interpreting since I was a kid. I had a friend growing up that was deaf and I used to "help" interpret for her at summer camp when we were kids. When I was a counselor at the same camp, I got any deaf kids that came to camp and interpreted for them. I feel like sign language has been a part of my life for my whole life, even though I'm one of those weird interpreters that doesn't have any deaf people in my family. This verse struck me because I have always been more comfortable on the outside looking in, like interpreters do, than being directly involved in a situation. It's a catch 22...I want to be involved on some levels, but am infinitely more comfortable when I'm not.

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

When you're the interpreter in a situation, you have to be neutral. Kind of like the bit in the Bible, "in the world but not of the world...?" I'm in the situation because I'm there, but I'm not a direct participant. Sometimes I want to be a part of the situation. I feel the same emotions the participants do. I say that the best compliment someone can give me during an interpreting situation is "Oh, I forgot you were here," but that's not always true. Take for example an emotional situation where I have to interpret bad news. Everyone grabs everyone else and hugs, cries, supports...and I stand there.

Terry Goodkind has quickly become one of my favorite authors, and he describes in his Sword of Truth series a character who serves as a judge of sorts...she is called a Confessor, and he talks about her wearing her Confessor's face. I do that. I wear my Interpreter's Face. Impartial. Objective. A mask. The line "sometimes I wish someone out there would find me" rang out to me, causing me to recall those times that I stood outside the huddle of support, wishing for someone to hand me a tissue or take my hand in comfort...but remaining quietly in the background, Interpreter's Face on.

But it's not all bad. My boss and I have talked about an interpreter's ability to compartmentalize emotions...it's how we stay sane. He introduced that concept to me after I went to him for advice upon interpreting the birth of a child for the first time. I was very concerned because I felt nothing. NOTHING. I came away from that incredible and miraculous event as though I had just interpreted traffic court. Again, Green Day spoke to that part of me with this line:

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

It's a juggling act. How am I able to be, at the same time, the me that is someone's daughter, someone's sister, someone's soon-to-be-ex-wife, someone's friend...and the me that is the interpreter, seemingly cold and aloof and professional? I come away from a lot of assignments wanting my turn to cry, my turn to laugh and be joyful. When do I get to be Nancy as opposed to the interpreter?

The answer, at least for me, is that I don't. I can't separate that out. That is the part that I think is most difficult for people in my life that aren't "in the business" to understand. Some people have the luxury of going to work and leaving their professional lives at the office when they come home. My job is not like that. My dad and my sister and her husband do not have jobs like that...they are preachers 24-7/365. I can't say for sure that my mother was like that because while I was living at home she gave up teaching to be a stay-at-home mom...but that was who she was, not just something she did.

I cherish time with the Deaf community and with other interpreters. RID's bi-annual conference this year in San Antonio was wonderful because it's a week spent with people who think like I do and live lives like mine. People who "get" me. That doesn't mean I love any of the other people in my life any less...when I tried to explain that to one non-terp friend I was accused of being elitist. All it means is that it's comfortable, and it's a nice break from having to explain myself.

I'm sure that most of you that read this will finish the entry and still be thinking "Hmmm, I'm not sure I quite get that." It's okay. I just needed to get that off my chest...and say that I think I've found my new favorite song.

What's a little blood stain among friends...?

Someone please invent for me a sewing machine that I can afford that will sew through plastic zip ties that I'm using for boning in my corset so that I don't have to sit here and hand sew the trim on the top and bottom of said piece of torture? I'm having to re-bind, so to speak, the top and bottom edges of my corset because the trim I used last season was a bit too loosely woven and I sprung a few stays! (meaning the boning worked its way either up or down and proceeded to dig into my skin) I've already stuck my needle in my thumb...I'm just glad this is an undergarment so I'm the only one that will see the blood stains along the top line of trim...

Oh! I forgot to stipulate that the machine needs to have the capability to not only puncture the plastic boning, but also the jacquard ribbon trim, canvas front, and 3 layers of cotton broadcloth that hold the boning in place and form a barrier between it and me. Thanks.

The machine I have now is a Singer and I love it...I found out quite by accident that it can sew through 5 layers of fabric, including apholstery fabric and interfacing...when I got my skirt bunched up under the bodice and sewed my dress into a permanent bent-over-double position. Luckily I caught it soon enough and restrained my temper well enough to remove that seam...and it ended up like this:



Not too shabby, I suppose, for someone who is really still a beginner...

I really need to do this part by hand as much of a pain (literally!) as it is...it's definitely more period appropriate that way and it teaches me patience and attention to detail. I taught myself to sew 4 years ago to make my rennie garb so everything is a learning process...

Deerhounds (I don't speak french, but...)

These pictures are from the site linked above...I don't speak french but I can drool over the pictures...

 


The deerhound has got to be one of the most beautiful creatures on the earth. How absolutely adorable is this one of the three fuzzy noggins up there?? 

Hello Insomnia, My Old Friend...

It's 20 minutes to 2 and I am awake. Not just slightly awake. Not mildly sleepy. I am wide-screaming-arse awake. Very awake. Quite possibly more awake than I've been all day.

Never mind that I have to work tomorrow, or that in just 3.5 short hours the alarm will be going off to rouse Scott for work. Never mind that said alarm clock is next to my head.

I tried Everquest, but I'm too annoyed at myself for being awake still to be able to play effectively. After the second time I dropped my new halfling (think hobbit) druid into the mining pit it stopped being funny. Okay, the first time I was running away from a monster and wasn't watching where I was going, but the second time it was a beautiful swan dive...but I digress.

Still awake. 15 to 2. My brain won't slow down long enough to contemplate sleep. I'm thinking of the thud it made when the druid hit the bottom of the pit...I'm thinking how much I want a deerhound puppy...I'm wondering where I'm going to move and if I'll have a fenced yard for the puppers I already have...I'm wishing I could have seen Daisy before she went to school...I'm contemplating how late I can sleep tomorrow if I have to go in to interpret...and somewhere in all that is Alanis Morrissette's "Hand in My Pocket" stuck on permanent repeat.

I guess I'll go get horizontal and see what happens. I'm doing all the things that those in the know tell you NOT to do when you need to sleep. I'm sitting up in a desk chair that was comfortable several hours ago. The TV is on. I'm on the computer. I should be in a dark place relaxing.

Yeah, if I could relax that might work.

Back to the deerhound puppy...someone on Greytalk just got one and he is just the cutest thing! I think a little deerhound sister would be a good thing for my boys, and I'd have my coursing/new rennie hound! I have no interest in owning a wolfhound...too big. No interest in owning a borzoi...same reason as the wolfhound plus I've heard of a little bit of cuckoo running in that breed...sort of like the thing with springer spaniels. Really the only sighthound I'd want other than a greyhound is a deerhound...someday.

At least if I had a puppy I wouldn't be alone being awake at almost 2am...

Faith in Humanity Partially Restored...

Remember the duplex that I had decided not to go see? It really wasn't a good fit for me anyway, not enough space and no yard for the boys. And...it's a duplex, it's attached to someone else's house. I emailed the folks to tell them, and got the NICEST email in response! Here's a quote:

I know you will be a great tenant for whoever is your new landlord. People who are parents of greyhounds are special, and I'm really sorry that all of my larger places are not available. I would like to have met you in person.

I mean, of course I agree that people with greyhounds are special...it takes a special person to put up with these aliens-masquerading-as-dogs...but the fact that she called me the "parent" of a greyhound meant a lot to me. There are not many folks in my life that really "get" the relationship I have with my animals and how much they are my family...so for a stranger to not only "get" it but appreciate it was pretty neat.

I also had an interesting if not accidental conversation with one of my soon to be ex-inlaws today. That actually made me sad because I hadn't let myself think about how much I'm going to miss them...how much I wished that his mom could have been my kids' grandmother...and just how much fun I have with them. I was encouraged to keep in touch and assured that there were no hard feelings...but it was still just weird. Weird and very, very sad...

Friday!!!

This has been a rather long week. There have been many nights with delayed sleep, and at least 2 where I've fallen asleep on the couch, snuggled up with Profile in a position that would make my chiropractor faint. I'm paying for one of those contortions this morning with a very stiff neck.

I haven't worked up the nerve to call on any more houses since yesterday's experience. I have one lady ready to show me a 1 bedroom duplex (with an office) tomorrow but I'm not sure that I want to see it. 900+ square feet but...I just really don't want a duplex or any sort of plex for that matter.

I was thinking this morning as I was feeding the dogs about how Scott is going to manage feeding Jeany when he moves in with his mom. She doesn't have a fenced yard, so he's going to have to feed her on leash or in the house...or switch her back to kibble which I hope he doesn't do. She looks so good on the raw diet...sleek and pretty. I'm really going to miss her.

I need a weekend. I don't think I'll go see the duplex after all. I'll just email the lady today because I don't think I can deal with another unpleasant phone call. Man...TGIF.

The 3 Variable Joke Test LIES!!

Thanks to Dave and Amy for the motivation to try this test. Okay, maybe that's a little bit me, but...? I hate Howard Stern and Rosanne...

the Shock Jock

(57% dark, 42% spontaneous, 42% vulgar)


your humor style:
VULGAR | SPONTANEOUS | DARK

Your sense of humor is off-the-cuff and kind of gross. Is it is also sinister, cynical, and vaguely threatening to the purer folks of this world.

Yours is hands-down the most outrageous sense of humor; you like things trangressive and hardcore.

PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Howard Stern - Adam Sandler - Roseanne Barr

Too Many Animals...Too Few Manners!

I knew that it was going to be a challenge to find a place to rent that would permit me to have my animals, but I had no idea how people would react to me when I told them about my fuzzy family. PollyAnna gets another life lesson I suppose, but I was raised to be polite...or at least try...

I called this morning about this house I found because it says "Dogs/Cats: call." He asks what kind of animals and how many so I start with the dogs. I start to say that I have two greyhounds and...and he cuts me off mid-sentence and says "Nope, too big." So I politely thank him and hang up.

Phone rings...it's the guy again. "Nancy, I'm sorry, I was thinking great danes, greyhounds are medium sized dogs right? About 50lbs?"

I explain that my boys are 75 and 80lbs and that while they are not as big as danes, they aren't tiny either. He says okay and moves on to the cats. "What kind of cats?"

I tell him I have three and they are all heinz 57s and older, youngest cat is 7.

"I'll pass," he says, "you've got way too many animals." Says bye and hangs up.

If that were the only one that has said that...

I called about a house in Taylors that was just perfect...and somehow once I told the woman how many animals I had she was suddenly on her way to show it to someone else but promised to call back in half an hour to let me know either way what they had decided.

Do you think I ever heard back from her?

You know, I understand that not everyone shares my feelings about animals. I understand that these folks don't know me or how I keep my critters. I understand that they may have had bad experiences in the past. But you know, none of that is an excuse to make me feel like I've done something wrong because I share my life with my animals.

Back to the classifieds, I suppose.

Hey! Is that a wabbit out there??

 

This has to be one of my favorite pictures of my Hunky. We were in Alabama at the GPA National Convention and he got to see a race going on...I thought he was going to get an ear cramp! To me, this picture just looks so happy and joyful...he was definitely in his bliss there, watching the dogs run around the oval and no doubt wishing he was right out there with them.

HunkamunchafromOz...that dog has saved my life and healed my soul more times than I can count. I'm so lucky he picked me.

Drip...drip...drip...

Did you know how much water it takes for a toilet to properly flush? Are you aware of how difficult it is to rinse off a battery powered toothbrush with just a dixie cup of water? Am I launching into my savetheworld/conservewater/beahippy routine?

No.

Thanks to our having to get a PO box and our mail getting a bit wonky, we think that we missed the notice that we'd forgotten to pay the water bill. That's our story and we're sticking to it. Yesterday morning, I took a shower as usual and headed to the hospital for work. Curse the luck. If I'd been working from home, we would still have water right now.

I got home after 5pm and did my normal things...got out dinner for the dogs and then went to wash my hands after getting the turkey necks out. No water. Hmmmm. Perhaps it's just the kitchen sink. No water in the bathroom. This is a problem. Check the toilet tank. Bone dry. Panic sets in.

By the time Scott got home from work I had completely flipped out. I was so mad. He found the notice on the front door that we were delinquent in payment (we never got a bill!) and tried to go manually turn the water back on, but they'd put a lock on it. Makes sense, they didn't turn it off for us just to be able to turn it back on.

So now, the next morning, we still have no water. Somehow the deal worked out that the water Scott bought last night (7 huge containers) would be used for him to get ready to go to work and I'd just stay here with none...I'm thinking that was because I didn't wake up when he did. I just want to go back to sleep and stay there till the water comes back on, but instead I have to go get more water...there are still 6 animals and one human in the house getting mighty thirsty...

Wallpaper Change: The Cutest Puppy that Ever Lived... FTH Oopsie Daisy. 

Time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin'...

Holy Moly. Today is August 15th. We are halfway through August. Half of August is GONE.

So what?

So I have a month and a half until the Renn Fest season starts in Huntersville!!! YIKES! My costumes need to be cleaned. I have to do some fixing on my hood for my green costume. My corset needs HELP lest more stays decide to spring free of their casing as I am wearing it. I need to check in with Loretta about the blue velveteen costume. I don't know if I can even wear the green this year.

Major Freaking Out.

However, I LIVE for doing the Renn Fest. It is difficult, hot, uncomfortable, exhausting for me and the hounds, frustrating, and the absolute best thing I've ever gotten myself into in my life. I'm so glad that I've stuck with it. When I started doing the Carolina Renaissance Festival in the fall of 2001 we had four cast members. We had no place to call home, and were sort of "annexed" into the Mayor's court. I probably lost 20lbs that season just walking the grounds and definitely wore out at least one pair of shoes.

Since then, we've grown by leaps and bounds and have a huge tent all our own...this last year we even had a platform under the tent! We have new people joining the group all the time, and we just have so much FUN together. Hunky and Profile have become old pros...and know the festival grounds well. A bit too well...

Last year on one of the early weekends in the run, I had arrived and was setting up the tent. Hunk had fallen asleep on one of the dog beds, and since the festival grounds are, for the most part, enclosed, I dropped his leash and kept working. Sharon and her daughter and their beautiful girls Francesca and Canasta arrived, and of course Hunky perked up. He's quite the ladies man when Profile isn't around to hog all the female attention.

Sharon's daughter and her friend took the girls backstage for a potty run and apparently Hunk decided to follow them. I just looked up and he was gone. Frantically (half dressed, mind you, corset and hoopskirt on but no dress) I ran backstage calling him, out of my mind that Hunk was GONE...and I see him following the girls. Well...he saw crazy Mommy running after him and took off back for the tent.

The tent we had 2 years ago, mind you...

Hunk didn't come much during the 2003 season at CRF because of his bad feet, so he was headed for the tiny tent we had during the 2002 season. Luckily there were people at the gate that called him and caught his leash and held him for me. Silly boy. At least he didn't decide to try to find the car!

Enough of that...off to go start alterations and laundry.

HUZZAH!

I've had one of those LIVES

I sometimes think that I was born with my foot in my mouth. Over the almost 34 years that I've been alive, I've definitely acquired a taste for shoe-leather. However, I am also unfortunately stricken with a near inability to lie...or even be tactfully vague...so sometimes I get myself into heaps of trouble by just opening my mouth.

A recent example:
Yesterday I made a post to a large message board stating that I had shared a similar experience to the original poster. The experience was in reference to being part of a social welfare type organization that was stretched tight for funds. (If this seems intentionally vague, it is...and you have NO idea how hard it is for me to make sure I don't just blurt something out that is in the least identifying!!) I was in a hurry when I posted, and as usual included the bare facts and my feelings of frustration caused by the situation that was similar.

Little did I know...

A current member of said organization posted after I did that the situation needed to be looked into as I was not clear in my post. Was my ire directed at the situation or the group? Before I had a chance to edit my hastily typed out post OR even respond to the current member, my email notification goes off.

An email from the director of the group... I responded, and quick as lightning, there was another email from the director. Let me sum up the emails:

I needed to stop spreading false impressions. I needed to discuss the situation (which happened several years ago, I might add, before the aforementioned current member was even affliated with the group!) with the director and get my facts straight. I needed to learn to be careful when posting in a public forum. When I asked for the director (and anyone else involved) to take a deep breath, I sound condescending. There were also the vague references stating that what I remember to be the truth might not be so.

In my typical open-mouth insert-left-side-of-body fashion, I defended myself, saying that I had only spoken the truth, and that while my post was not clear as originally written, I had returned to the post and added a paragraph of clarification. (In addition, when someone today posted that she still did not understand the situation, I sent her a lengthy private message again explaining the situation and additionally making the group look like shining examples of social responsibility.)

There were other emails that followed, but it was really just more of the same.

Just a big reminder why it is that I no longer volunteer my time with organizations... My big mouth eventually gets me in trouble and it just leads to drama...and I've got enough of that in my life, thanks.

I was so put out by all of that yesterday that I actually tried to walk away from the computer and spend some time doing fun stuff...in between naps to try and alleviate my migraine. I ended up laughing the entire thing off, but it was a good reminder that I am my own worst enemy...why didn't I learn to lie well when I was a child like everyone else does?

"Tomorrow's another day...and I'm thirsty anyway...so bring on the rain...."
-JoDee Messina

My wallpaper du jour...I needed something to make me smile, and this picture of Hunky and his shnozzz did just that! 

I'm so behind!

I am so out of the loop that I didn't know until...yesterday that the Firelake Festival was going to be just up the road in Cherokee County, SC! How did I miss that?

I'll tell you how. I've been avoiding everything that had to do with real life outside of my four walls recently and living my life through my computer...much as I'm doing now. I didn't know where I was going to end up working. I didn't know where I would end up living. So instead of being proactive, I've become very reactive and hurtful and just generally no fun to be around.

No more.

I wish I could go to Firelake but I can't...but what I can do is stand up and walk away from this machine and live some real life for a change. Snuggle with a greyhound on the couch. Drag a string for a cat to chase. Get out in my car and look for a place to live.

Yeah, I could do all that...but what I'll probably do is stay right here where I am.

Wish List Part Two... 

Here's my wish list...Christmas Anyone? 

It's Official!!!

My raise was approved, and takes effect August 2nd, 2005. (Yes, I know today is the 10th.) I will continue to be a resident of the State of South Carolina...and now have to find somewhere in the Greenville area to live.

I don't feel much different today, oddly enough. I guess that I had just prepared so much for it to go the other way so that I wouldn't be upset over having to move that when it went this way it was like, "oh well, good."

I've already started working on what I want the inside of my new place to look like, but I think I'm going to have to head to Goodwill rather than Pier One. I compiled a list using their Build-A-Room feature, but I can no more afford that stuff than I can fly to the moon. Ah well, dare to dream, eh?

Anyway, off to get ready to start my new life!!! If I can just get the old one sorted into boxes that is...

What was it I said about liking my dogs better?

Two examples in the relatively short time I've been vertical today have reminded me why it is that I prefer the company of my animals to most people.

Example the First:

I am a semi-regular contributor to a LARGE message board devoted to greyhounds. I know that isn't a surprise to anyone. This board is moderated, and it seems that lately the mods have become quite pleased with the "power" that they have over the rest of us peons and have made some changes to the board that a lot of us peons think are ridiculous. For instance, and the aforementioned Example: A friend of mine has been banned from that board because he regularly butts heads with the mods...not intentionally, mind you, but it seems that they always find something wrong in his posts, his photos in the member galleries, etc. and would suspend him for a few days. Well...it seems this time he's been suspended/banned/etc for good. The mods deleted his photo gallery which is sad, he had a lot of INCREDIBLE racing photos in there. They deleted a huge chunk of his posts. They also set up the board so that if anyone else mentions the name of his greyhound in a post, the name is changed to the word Fer-ret.

Silly me, I was under the impression that we were all adults here?

Why does this irk me so much, I'm sure you're wondering by now...Sure, I'm a Momma Bear when someone is ugly to a friend of mine...just my nature. But this time it directly affects me. You see, I made a movie for my friend of his girl, and now, if you type the name of the movie into a post, it comes up Fer-ret:the Movie. I worked very hard on that, and I do NOT appreciate them changing the name of my work when it is posted to that board just because they are immature losers on a power trip.

You watch...I'll be the next one banned. Guess I should start saving the pictures in my member gallery.

Example the Second:

I get email notification when someone leaves a comment on my blog. Imagine my surprise to find a comment left on my dog blog that I haven't updated since we lost Liz. In fact, the comment was left on the last entry I made which still makes me cry to read. It talks about how I am not sure how I'll know it's 4:30pm anymore without Lizzard aaaawoooofffing to let me know. I thought perhaps I had touched someone with that post, or maybe someone that knew her hadn't been informed of her death?

No. Hardly.

Reading your blog and I figured you'd be interested in advancing your life a bit, call us at [phone number removed, no free advertising for you here, you leech!!]. No tests, books or exams, easiest way to get a Bachelors, Masters, MBA, Doctorate or Ph.D in almost any field.

Totally confidential, open 24 hours a day.

Hope to hear from you soon!

This is why I tend to set up my blogs so that only registered users can comment. That made me so angry that I almost called the number just to complain...but a. it's a long distance number and b. I'd be ugly about it, and that's not part of the new me.

I love my animals.

Pulled Beef BBQ and Polka-Dotted Undies

I'm going to go ahead and apologize now to my dear brother in law, Dave, who is a regular reader of my blog, should this offend or just be more information than you EVER needed about your wife's older sister...

I was at Walmart today getting dinner for the canine masses, and decided to do a bit of grocery shopping for myself while I was there. After all, I couldn't very well go out to the car while it was still pouring down rain now could I? I wandered around in the food section and then took the inevitable right turn toward the clothes. Not that I was going to buy anything, mind you, but tomorrow is my mother's birthday and I can always use more of the essentials...socks and undies.

Holy SMOKES the clientele for the local Walmart must have crawled out from under a large Skank-Rock, as evidenced by the oh-so-scary pieces of clothing in the section where one buys one's unmentionables.

It's too bad that someone felt that stuff needed a mention.

Anyway, I went for my standard, old-lady-at-thirty-three type undies. You know, plain colors, all cotton, nothing that requires woolite and certainly nothing that has to be professionally cleaned. Well, the good folks at Hanes had the last laugh. In the back of the package was a "bonus pair:" white (this is good) with big blue and teal and green polka-dots (this is not so good).

But I had a good laugh over it anyway. For so many years I've tried to stay young. "Don't I look YOUNG for thirty?" "What do you mean you don't need to see my ID?" No more. With the impending new life comes a new love of me. Thirty Three Year Old Me. Several Stone Overweight Me. Currently Eating Smithfield Pulled Beef BBQ from the Deli Case At Walmart Me.

I don't know that I'll ever be Polka Dotted Undies Me, but we'll see.

And so it goes, and so it goes...

Well, there's news.

Apparently for the state of South Carolina to raise my salary 25% over what I'm making now would require not only the approval of someone in the "higher ups" in DMH but also from the "even higher ups" in state government. They can go 15%, it seems, but not 25%.

So I am going to take 15%. There are many reasons, but not the least of which is I have friends here and I have a life here...and I'm having to start enough of my life over by getting a divorce. You throw in meeting new people and making a life in a place that's totally new to me, and you're going to see my head explode.

I know that there are those who were cheering for me to move to Atlanta, and I still want to eventually end up back in Georgia. Just not now. Right now I feel like my home is here, in the Upstate of South Carolina. I have been meditating, praying, crying, making pro-con lists, talking, debating, and begging whoever is up there listening to help me make the right decision. I don't think She'll steer me wrong...

My wallpaper for this week...or at least until I'm out of the holding pattern. This is a Webshots download, and is listed as "West Highlands, Scotland. � Super Stock Inc." What I wouldn't give to have the funds just to pack up my critters and fly away to Scotland... 

Just a bit more stress, eh?

So 5pm came and went today with no offer from DMH. I admit to being devastated. Somehow I thought that it would just all magically materialize on time and I would get the offer I wanted and blammo, all would be well.

Wrong.

Our HR person was out this afternoon, so the offer could be there. Could be. Won't know till Monday. Meanwhile my parents finally admitted that they didn't want me to move to Greenville because "we'll never see you again if you move there instead of back home to Georgia."

Man.

So I'm in a holding pattern till Monday. Still. Holding...

Frustration Release Continued...

Not my best score (320.2), but I really stuck the landing I think... muahahahahahaha! 

Frustration Release

Thanks to my friend Pat, I now have a way to release my frustrations on some poor penguins. Amy, if you're reading the blog and still have some Opus Tendencies...might not wanna click on the link up there.

Hehehehe Try it. Click on the yeti to drop the penguin and then again to Ka POWEE!

What Dreams May Come...

I had a dream last night/this morning about Buffy. She was my best friend from the time I was 10 until I was a sophomore in college. Buffy was a pedigreed American Cocker Spaniel, with papers from the AKC and beautiful buff colored fur. She had brown eyes you could fall into, and an indominable spirit that just loved to play play play.

My dream was strange. I dreamt I was going to a vet's office to see if I could get Buff an appointment. When I got into the office, there were several other folks there with cocker spaniels, and two or three in a large cage/run/stainless steel place they put dogs in vet offices and pet stores. The people were talking to the vet about their dogs having weepy eyes and how to correct it...a common problem in cocker spaniels I think. I waited my turn, and when the vet finally turned to talk to me, it occurred to me that Buff was not alive anymore. Not only that, but she's been gone more than 10 years. All I could manage to say was that I had a cocker too, and was wondering what the life span was. I was told "10-12 years, how old is yours?" I answered that she was 12, the entire time thinking that I was lying, that Buff was 10 when she died in 1991 and it was now 2005 and I was lying to a vet.

How odd is that? I haven't thought about my little soccer playing girly in forever, and she creeps into a dream like that. I woke up with Jeany's nose pressed into the middle of my back as she chased down a dream-bunny, and Profile's head nuzzling me in the stomach. Mills was curled up next to my head purring like a freight train, which was probably why the vet's office in my dream had a LOUD A/C going...

Weirdness.

Thursday's Revelations

Several things have become clear to me just this morning...possibly guided by too much coffee, but I prefer to think it's a settling-into-self that I've been working on now that I'm going to be "myself" again soon.

First, I don't know nearly enough about what's going on in the world these days. I follow current events from about 5 paces back, so I have a general idea of what's going on but not much more. I call myself a Democrat and more importantly, a liberal, but what does that mean nowadays? I should be up on the current changes to the tax code, the status of the "war" in Iraq, and the potential candidates for post-Dubya Clean Up Duty. I should be, but I'm not.

Heck, I didn't even know Bolton had a moustache, let alone how angry it is.

I've been reading blogs and message boards today, trying to get a sense of some of these hot button issues, but it isn't working. Guess I'll have to go to the CNN website and just start reading.

Second, I'm finding less and less love for something that was an obsession of mine just recently... Everquest. For those who don't know, it's an online Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game (MMORPG) and a definite time sink. Part of my problem currently is that I came into EQ (or Ever-Crack) late compared to most of the folks I play with on a regular basis, so the content I'm interested in is old hat or "junk" to them, and I end up playing the game alone or not playing. Tell me again why I pay money every month to play an MMORPG that has basically turned into a one person shooter? Anyway...I still find it occasionally interesting and challenging, but with my impending life-changes I'm finding less time to sit for 6-8 hours in front of the computer.

Finally, I am just tired. I push myself too hard to do too many things at once, even if those things are all basically cerebral in nature and don't require leaving the house. I want things to work out now. I want that instant gratification. When I decided to leave Scott (or we decided to leave each other, more accurately), I wanted to wake up the next morning with the papers in my hand, my name changed back, and my new life in front of me like a proper southern breakfast. I wanted to be a mom right away. I wanted to be past the tough stuff and into the fun. Doesn't work that way, and I stress myself out unnecessarily trying to make it so.

Whew...now I've run out of coffee.

But wait, there's more!!!

Two days to go, and I now have to get an offer in writing from GPC to send to Columbia so that they can approve the raise in salary. Two days. Oh, and there was a patient admitted to inpatient tonight. Oh, and I had a huge argument with a friend today. Oh, and I forgot to mention that the cats ran out of food last night and didn't get fed till tonight...or that Profile is scratching himself raw...

The urge to get in the car and just drive was strong today...but as of now I'm still in SC. I just really really really hate the limbo. I hate for the direction my life is going to take to be up to someone else at the moment.

I think I need medication...or just a break. :)

They drag me back in!!!

Today would officially be two weeks since I told my boss at DMH that I was considering leaving. Two weeks from when he started working on a counter offer. Oh, it's also two days away from my last day with SCDMH if they don't come up with something.

Got a call from GPC last night. Not so much a raised salary offer, but an option...I could start there spring semester instead of next month in order to have more time to find a place to live, etc. It's something to think about.

Every time I get settled...every time I am at peace with what's going on in my life, the apple cart turns over and I have to start all over again. I guess it keeps me on my toes and reminds me to never become complacent, but geez. Enough already?

Oh, and as icing on the cake...I found out yesterday that Dekalb County has a three animal limit. I guess that means pet liscensing and all that...also means that me and my at least five (2 greyhounds and 3 cats) animals won't be moving there. That kind of thing REALLY makes me mad. I'm not a hoarder, I don't have 3 million critters, and my animals are well cared for...I don't like some government folks telling me how many animals I can have! So if I take the GPC job I can't live close to work because I won't live in Dekalb County.

Two days to go. Stay tuned.

Employment Update

This holding pattern is starting to feel comfy, I've been in it since...February? Here's a bit of background for those that have been fortunate enough NOT to be within earshot over the past six months. I started looking for another job in February because I knew that Scott and I would be getting a divorce and I wanted to be ready to move. I found the Interpreter Coordinator position available with Georgia Perimeter College in Decatur and applied. I heard nothing. After a long period of nothing, I heard that they had not only already interviewed someone but were waiting on her decision. I decided to apply for the staff interpreter position there and rinse/repeat/wait. Finally I heard from them that my interview will be shortly after the first of June, when the aforementioned terp coordinator starts. No problem.

First of June rolls around. Middle of June rolls around. End of June. I hear nothing. I email and ask, and hear nothing. Finally, while I'm at the RID conference in Texas the second week of JULY, I get an email to set up my interview. Now keep in mind I'd been told my first day at GPC would be August 15th, one month from the interview date.

So with no place to live lined up or really any plans in place, I went to the interview. Now don't misunderstand me, the GPC job is a great one. The salary is good and it's a 9 month position with summers off. However...while I was at RID I really started thinking about what KIND of interpreting I like to do. I do like educational, it's true...because by comparison it's really easy. Steady hours, the same clients over and over, and a chance to prepare ahead of time with textbooks and other materials. But I really enjoy the challenge of mental health interpreting as well. If nothing else, the things that the human brain can do to itself are just fascinating to me. Also, I've been told that I'm pretty good at what I'm doing now...

So I came back from my interview and told Roger what I was offered, and he started the process to make a counter offer. I didn't hold out much hope for that...after all, I've been here almost 7 years and had only negligible raises to date. But somehow he got my center director and HR person to approve a fairly substantial raise, and it's currently awaiting approval by the folks in Columbia.

I also hear that GPC might raise their offer. Gosh, it's nice to be wanted, but right now I'm leaning toward staying in SC if the DMH offer is approved. Not as far to move...closer to Jeany...and still able to do the Carolina Renn Fest in the fall...less stress in an already stressed out life is always a good thing.

Just gotta find a place to live in Greenville...

Need a Laugh?

I love Robin Williams. That man is a creative genius, and constantly amazes me with the steady stream of SILLY that he puts out. The link up there is to the write up and video clip of his appearance on "Inside the Actor's Studio" on Bravo. Any time I am in a funk and need to laugh, I find Robin Williams in anything he's done and instantly I feel better. It doesn't matter if it's the Genie in Aladdin or The Fisher King...Good Morning Vietnam to the darkly wonderful Death to Smoochie...an old episode of Mork and Mindy even...and I laugh, and I feel better, and fall in love with Robin Williams all over again.