27 March 2009

On the road...er...in the air again...er...

With shoes for perspective
Originally uploaded by Nancy Dunne
So, here's an update/timeline for you three or four loyal readers that I have here at the Lettuce...

23 March
Receive check for retirement account refund from SCDMH. Do myriad of happy dances. Make mental note to include myriad in next blog post. Rediscover twitter, twitpic, and blip.fm. Completely lose control of rest of day.

24 March
Stop happy dancing at news that funds will not be available to use for flights, luggage, sushi, etc. until possibly 25-26 March. Resolve to charge now, pay later, and hope that the pet relocation people won't be too quick to turn in the debit to the bank.

25 March
Book travel for everyone except me. Have short breakdown over thoughts of sending my precious ones in a plane without me, then put my chin back up and move on. Remind self that I must learn to at least look British. Hold chin a bit higher, stiffen lip, and fill out mountains of forms for animal travel. Book final appointment with vet for 31 March.

26 March
Surf around checking out flights. Discover that BA is, oddly enough, cheaper than Delta regardless of not being a non-stop. Purchase terrifically snazzy carry on bag at Garden Ridge and resolve to purchase entire new set of GOOD luggage for journey. Set leave date for 7 April. Decide to wait one more day to purchase ticket.

That brings us to today...and I still haven't purchased my ticket. It's going to have to be today, though, because I don't think the sweet fare on BA will last much longer. All the holds placed on the funds in my account are lifted, so I can get my ticket as well as pay off my credit cards. So things are looking up...until I think of how much I'll miss Greenville when I drive down main street...or shop at Target...or just drive my car. But the changes coming will be good and are needed, I think. Now if I can just figure out what to do with the stuff that's left behind!

20 March 2009

Happy Friday!

Almost home...
Originally uploaded by Nancy Dunne
I'm trying something new for me...being positive. Here goes.

I'm positive that it's been too long since I've seen my husband.

I'm positive that I'm just going through the motions here and that my heart and soul are already in the UK.

I'm positive that I won't get the $7K I need from my car to make travel arrangements for my animals.

I'm positive that I love blip.fm or I wouldn't have put it at the bottom of my blog (hint hint, scroll down!).

I'm positive that South Carolina isn't home anymore.

There, how's that?

19 March 2009

After Vacation Blues

The Hounda
Originally uploaded by Nancy Dunne
Not really...more like the "I Can't Seem To Get To The UK" blues. I've got to do some real work to get my car sold. Somehow the idea of selling it on Craigslist or other such wasn't appealing...it's like I've had Ghost for so long now to sell her to someone I don't know doesn't feel right. But what feels even less right is that I haven't seen Simon since January 28th.

I think the easiest thing is to go to Carmax and see what they will give me for her. Boy, even considering the fact that if I don't see Simon soon I'll explode, that still seems harsh. They can't see what I see in her. They don't see the car that took me to Sandy Paws to pick up Daisy after taking me and Profile for one last ride from Austell, GA to the vet in South Carolina. They don't know that it was Ghost that took me to see Simon for the first time, or that provided me with a safe and warm place to camp at the Renn Fest.

They don't know that the hole in the front bumper represented the first time I thought my move to Montgomery was a mistake. They weren't there when I got Joanne to believe that the rusty spot on the side (barely noticeable) was from being shot at while driving rather than a rock hitting me on the highway. They've never looked back into gorgeous brown greyhound eyes staring intently into Ghost's rear view mirror.

She holds a lot of memories for me, good old Ghost, and it's just all part of what has become my life now...a lot of letting go. Leap, and the net will appear, right?

05 March 2009

Eyes Wide Shut

Originally uploaded by Nancy Allen
I noticed as I was coming out of the grocery store the other day that I shut my eyes a lot when I walk. Once I've cleared the area where cars might run me down and I know how many steps there are left to the car, I close my eyes and walk a few of them in darkness. I don't know why I do that, but I've always done it. When I'm going up the stairs at the old house, for instance, I close my eyes and one-two-three-four-five...all the way to number 15 at the top where I open them again.

I think we spend a lot of time with our eyes closed, both figuratively and literally. Not sleeping, mind you, just closed. We shut out things that are too bright, too colorful, too painful or even too joyous for a minute or two so that we can get a grip on them before we have to see them again. We close our eyes to concentrate on a math problem or to find just the right words in a conversation. I close my eyes when I feel tears coming on, which has been often lately, so that I can somehow quell the tide before they stream down my cheeks, possibly making me seem weak in the eyes of whatever or whomever has brought me to that point.

What am I blocking out that I need to see? What am I missing in those moments that I shut my eyes, whether walking in the parking lot or sitting at a coffee shop with friends? Am I missing things on purpose? Things that I can't or don't want to see?

Lately, I've been trying to keep my eyes open more...to memorize what I see around me. When I come back to the US to visit, things will look different to me, and I want to remember how they look now. Eyes wide open, taking in Greenville and Cleveland and Atlanta and all my friends and family...at least for the next three weeks. I might even keep them open for once as the plane takes off.

03 March 2009

Let it snow, let it snow...

Let it snow, let it snow...
Originally uploaded by Nancy Allen
Finally we're settled, sort of, at Anne's...after a rainy two days loading a moving truck (that wasn't big enough), a third day of trying to move in the snow (you haven't lived till you've carried a desk down a snowy stair with quarter sized snowflakes getting caught in your eyelashes...and a fourth day of basically squatting in my former house waiting for my parents to return with a rental van to get the rest of my junk.

But during that snowy adventure I saw my Daisy girl play, really PLAY with her new housemate Ray. My Mills has achieved a new level of brave living with his new feline housemate, Molly. And I've pushed myself beyond what I thought I could do...and I'm not dead...yet.

Now, off to sell my car...anyone want a 2003 Honda Element with almost 190k miles on it? The Hounda is a Good Good Car that has been very good to me and the dogs. It's a Honda, so it probably has another 100k in it. Going for $7k...which is a steal for one of the first Elements to roll off the assembly line if you ask me.

Music Monday: Still Unwritten

This has been a weird couple of days, culminating in Music Monday almost being forgotten. Last Thursday I went to my appointment with "...