29 January 2009

Almost ready...

I'm almost ready to go upstairs and get into that big bed alone. Well, alone until Daisy figures out that I'm alone and joins me...and until Mills wraps himself around my head and purrs.

Simon's plane has crossed into UK airspace which means I can't use the flight tracking software I found online to watch where he is anymore. Last I looked he was over the big blue ocean...


I am constantly amazed at the attitude a lot of people have nowadays that they are the only person on the earth. I will admit that, as I was watching Simon wind through the line for the security checkpoint, I was hoping that I was the only person on earth. I was standing there crying my head off, looking like a total nutter. When I lost sight of him I started for the car, tears bouncing off my scarf. As I stepped through the automatic doors out into the drizzly afternoon, my ears were assaulted by some guy on a mobile phone, screaming about text messages. He was apparently on his way to Florida. He didn't get the text message someone sent him and he didn't want them to effing ever send another one. People were staring. I was staring. And for a moment I forgot the searing pain in my heart and replaced my tears with laughter at this sad little man who had nothing better to do than make a fool of himself screaming in public.

When his eyes met mine across the way and he saw me laughing at him, I moved back into abject pain and averted my again tear-filled eyes. Don't get me wrong, he still looked ridiculous screaming into the phone...but he also looked like he could have pitched that phone like John Smoltz and lodge it right between my eyes.

I'm home now. The house is quiet and lonely, despite the three greyhounds and a cat that are trying their best to distract me. My eyes are getting heavy so maybe I can make it upstairs to sleep. If not I suppose I can sleep in my chair.

28 January 2009


D is for depression...the one impending because after today I'm functioning with only half of myself. Simon goes back to England today.

D is for Daisy...the bright spot in my day and the first one to give me consoling kisses when I wake up in bed alone tomorrow. Not that I want the kisses, mind you, but that never seems to stop her.

D is for downtown...as in where I hope all the traffic is in Atlanta today so I can get in and out of the airport quickly and not have to sit on 85 for too long.

D is for...well, I can't say that word, but it has to do with having to wait until my visa is approved to see Simon again.

It's D-day, and I've got to go hop in the shower so that we can run last minute errands before taking my heart to Hartsfield and leaving it on the other side of the security barrier. Later, internet.

27 January 2009

For those keeping score...

Simon called Fulton County yesterday to check on the marriage license. After a most definite run around, he finally got someone that told him that we were being "put into the system this week" and the license would go out in the mail this week.

This week. Almost one full month after the wedding.

Once I get that back and get a certified copy of my birth certificate, I can send in the visa paperwork and then wait. Simon and I have a few things to get printed off and certified today like a copy of his passport and some bank statements to add to the stack of STUFF that has to be sent in to New York.

Simon leaves to go back to the UK tomorrow and I stay here and wait.

I'm not good at waiting. Stay tuned for further hysterics.

25 January 2009

Road Trips and Disappointments

This is the last weekend that Simon is here in the states before he returns to the UK, and I thought we'd do something cool. We left yesterday (later than intended) to go to Helen, GA and I'd planned to take him to Young Harris College as well so he could see the little valley that nearly ruined my life...I mean "where youth are inspired," and I spent the first two years of my college career.

Disappointment number one: We still haven't received the marriage license in the mail from Fulton County (Atlanta) so we still have no real idea when I'll be able to join him in the UK.

Disappointment number two: A paycheck from a job I did is late, so I have little to no cash and bills to pay. I know, that's the American Dream these days, but it still puts a damper on Road Tripping.

We headed out (late) and made it to Helen with the dogs around 3:30pm. Helen, when I was kid and then at Young Harris, was this cutesy little place where I could spend too much money and at the least get some fudge that would make Jenny Craig sit up and pay attention. What happened? Did I grow up or did the cutesy facade fall away, revealing a tired old town without much to offer save a great ice cream place on the outskirts of town and a nifty fountain? Anyway, that was a disappointment. I'd been talking about taking him to Helen and how much fun I used to have there as a kid, and we basically parked, walked, and got back in the car...all in the space of about an hour.

Having officially given up on Young Harris because I knew that would just be more disappointing, we drove toward Cleveland (we promised my parents a visit) and took a detour up toward Unicoi Gap State Park. "It's so pretty up there," I promised Simon. Yeah, it's pretty...in the spring when things are blooming, or in the summer when all is verdant and lush....or in the fall when then the leaves are fantastic shades of autumn. Not so much in January. I called Dad to see if we could at least see Anna Ruby Falls from the car (it was getting colder and the dogs were tired) but you can't. You have to park and walk about 15-20 minutes first.

We had a great meal with Mom and Dad and then headed home. All in all, I think I'd like to have a do over on yesterday. But in truth, I'd like a do over on everything since the wedding. It feels like Simon just got here last week, and now I'm going to be taking him to the airport next Wednesday.

20 January 2009

Words of Hope

To those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history; but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist.
-President Barack Obama


Count me in among the throngs of Americans that watched/listened to our 44th President being sworn in this morning. I was driving to an interpreting gig at 11:40am and listening to NPR's coverage on the car radio...and I didn't get past the opening remarks by Sen. Dianne Feinstein without having tears streaming down my face.

Why? Well, for one thing, I'm a Democrat. I have been a Democrat since I was old enough to know there were two main political parties in the United States. My parents are Democrats, though far more moderate/almost conservative than I in their political and social views. My sister and her husband are Democrats. I work in a social service field, often with the very people that make up the Grass Roots. The election of a Democratic president in concert with a Democratic congress to me signals a new era for my country and it makes me hopeful...something I haven't been very often over the last eight years.

Another reason is that this is the last time I will watch an inauguration of an American president while living in America for the time being. I will still remain American after I move to the UK with my husband, but there is something electric in the air here today. To be an American in America on a day when someone who wasn't even considered a human being when he was born just because of the color of his skin rise to become president of our country is overwhelming and amazing and I'm filled with pride in my country...something else I haven't felt in recent years.

I got to the job site early and sat in the parking lot, still listening to the proceedings on NPR. I got to hear VP Biden take his oath, then got out of the car to see my deaf client waiting on me. I explained that I was sorry to be late for the appointment, but that I wanted to hear the swearing in at least before we went inside. The deaf client agreed with me and asked me to interpret what was going on via the radio. The feeling was that we weren't going to go in until "OBAMA PRESIDENT, FINISH! WE CAN, Y-E-S!" (translated to spoken English: we weren't going in until Obama is president, YES WE CAN!) I interpreted the oath as I heard it via NPR and my client and I high-fived...and I cried a little again.

Yes we did...and now, yes we can. YES WE CAN.

12 January 2009

Year Two

MoTivator (Profile, Profee, Prof, Profee-Anon)
5 June 1995- 12 January 2007

"You Could Be Happy" (with slight paraphrase)
Snow Patrol

You could be happy and I won't know
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go

And all the things that I wished I had not said
Are played in loops 'till it's madness in my head

Is it too late to remind you how we were
But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur

Most of what I remember makes me sure
I should have stopped you from walking out the door

You could be happy, I hope you are
You made me happier than I'd been by far

Somehow everything I own smells of you
And for the tiniest moment it's all not true

Do the things that you always wanted to
Without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do

More than anything I want to see you, Prof
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world

Love you, my most perfect boy. I miss you every day, and hate most of all that this stupid disease kept you from meeting Simon and having the adventure of living in Yorkshire. I think a flat cap would have suited.

Mommy xx

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