Why oh why oh why am I still awake? Yet again, I have a meeting tomorrow morning in Simpsonville (a mere 45 minutes from home IF there's no traffic and IF I remember quarters for the connector and IF my car can sprout wings...). Yet again, it is 1am and no sleep in sight. It's not like I slept in this morning or took a nap. I don't sleep in anymore...I have dogs. Hunky won't let me sleep much past 7am on any given morning, and I know tomorrow will be worse because Scott will leave super-mega-scary-insano early for work because of his Tuesday morning meetings.
Soothing music is playing on the MP3 player (Alanis Morrissette, JLP Acoustic). Lights are down low. I have taken my claritin and even indulged in some tylenol PM. And yet here I sit, wide-screaming-arse-kicking awake.
I know that it's stress that is doing this to me. Impending divorce + impending move + no house to move into just yet + job + Zooey's health + etc etc ad nauseum has left me with an anxious feeling more often than not, elevated blood pressure from time to time, and a general sense of irritability that makes me OH such a joy to be around. It's a wonder I have any friends left!
Oh...was that a yawn? Maybe I will be able to sleep before 1am after all...though it's 12:48 right now and I'm still vertical, so I'm not holding my breath.
13 September 2005
12 September 2005
My Puzzle Ring
I was just looking at this ring and thinking about how long I've had it. It was given to me by a dear friend named Charles well over ten years ago. I remember when he gave it to me...it was at the Georgia Renn Fest and I had just finished making a wax hand. I remember how beautiful I thought it was and then how horrifying it was to watch the puzzle ring guy throw it onto the counter causing it to come apart. I remember practicing and practicing to put it together. I remember timing myself putting it together on the coach trip we took shortly before we left England in '95. I remember leaving it in a classroom at UGA and having it returned to me bent, as the person that found it was obviously as motivated as I was to put it together. I remember being so excited recently when I'd lost enough weight to be able to wear it to the renn fest again.
And I remember a tall blonde boy with green eyes who grinned at me and asked "Well, do you like it?" all those years ago in the springtime Georgia sun.
Crickets in the Camp Glisson Kudzu and other Tunes
I was just responding to a plea from Amy in her blog for songs to sing to Drew. My answer to her, of course, was to think back to the evenings of "Singing on the Porch" after dinner at Camp Glisson. Every night after the evening meal all of the living groups (a group of two counselors and their 10-12 campers) would gather on that porch, sit on the love-worn stones that the porch was made of and sing along with a few guitars and occasionally a tambourine.
To this day, 12 years after the last time I left Camp Glisson as a counselor, thinking back on that activity still makes me smile. I cannot think of S.O.P. without also thinking of some of the names that I remember coming up as a camper and then as a counselor...Shelnutt, Baby Rich, Bennnnnnnnnn, Andy, Chris...and of course Offutt. I guess I should have recommended that Amy sing "Clarice" or "Crickets in the Kudzu" to Drew, but I'm not sure that he would appreciate the words just yet. Visit his website linked above. You'll be glad you did.
"Don't go cricket, don't go!!"
"...sitting on a carpeted basketball court listening to a tall skinny dork sing...with little orange cones all around him..."
To this day, 12 years after the last time I left Camp Glisson as a counselor, thinking back on that activity still makes me smile. I cannot think of S.O.P. without also thinking of some of the names that I remember coming up as a camper and then as a counselor...Shelnutt, Baby Rich, Bennnnnnnnnn, Andy, Chris...and of course Offutt. I guess I should have recommended that Amy sing "Clarice" or "Crickets in the Kudzu" to Drew, but I'm not sure that he would appreciate the words just yet. Visit his website linked above. You'll be glad you did.
"Don't go cricket, don't go!!"
"...sitting on a carpeted basketball court listening to a tall skinny dork sing...with little orange cones all around him..."
A Change in the Weather
I was outside this morning watching the dogs have breakfast and drinking my coffee and just enjoying the crispness of the air. It is definitely fall here, at least in the mornings. Of course, since we are in the south, by noon-three pm it will be close to 90 degrees and still feel like summer, but these mornings are marvelous. I was sitting there with my eyes closed remembering football saturdays at Maryville, walking across campus to interpret a class at UGA, and pulling my cloak up around my neck as I sip chai tea at the Carolina Renaissance Festival.
Fall is most definitely my favorite season. I don't care for spring because of all the budding plants...I spend those months sniffling and wheezing. Summer is a nightmare for several reasons: I was blessed with anti-pigment in my skin so I burn like a lobster even under sunblock, I am continually at least 10 stone overweight so I look like the michelin man in summer fashions, and I just don't like the heat. Winter is a close second to Fall because I love sweaters and gloves and coats and hats...but after awhile it's nice to not have to have twenty seven layers on to keep warm. Plus in the part of the country where I live Winter brings ice storms instead of nice fluffy beautiful snow, so there's the constant threat of losing power or sliding off the road into a ditch.
Fall is just perfect. The weather is crisp. The leaves are beautiful (give me the mountains over the beach any day). There's Georgia Bulldog football on Saturdays. The Carolina Renaissance Festival runs through the middle of November, smack in the middle of those beautiful mountains.
Time to go open the windows and turn on the attic fan.
Fall is most definitely my favorite season. I don't care for spring because of all the budding plants...I spend those months sniffling and wheezing. Summer is a nightmare for several reasons: I was blessed with anti-pigment in my skin so I burn like a lobster even under sunblock, I am continually at least 10 stone overweight so I look like the michelin man in summer fashions, and I just don't like the heat. Winter is a close second to Fall because I love sweaters and gloves and coats and hats...but after awhile it's nice to not have to have twenty seven layers on to keep warm. Plus in the part of the country where I live Winter brings ice storms instead of nice fluffy beautiful snow, so there's the constant threat of losing power or sliding off the road into a ditch.
Fall is just perfect. The weather is crisp. The leaves are beautiful (give me the mountains over the beach any day). There's Georgia Bulldog football on Saturdays. The Carolina Renaissance Festival runs through the middle of November, smack in the middle of those beautiful mountains.
Time to go open the windows and turn on the attic fan.
09 September 2005
Tears for a Kitty
When I took Hunky in to the vet Tuesday about his ear (Profile tried to bite it off when they ran headlong into each other in the yard...), I also took my cat Zooey in b/c we found an ingrown claw on his front foot. While there, I expressed my concern to the vet that Zooey was thin and didn't seem interested in grooming himself like he used to be. The vet ran a "senior" blood panel on him (a special service at my vet's office, tests for things that are unique to animals past the age of 7) and sent us home with antibiotics and pain meds for the paw (after removing the ingrown bit).
The vet called. The bloodwork is bad. His kidneys aren't working right, he has a UTI (urine drawn straight from the bladder), his BUN and phosphorus levels are high and his creatinine is high/normal. His thyroid is also high/normal.
Bless his heart, after spewing all this techinical stuff, Dr. Herold said, "I'm sorry to have to tell you this...but numbers like this usually indicate a condition that's going to get progressively worse."
I feel like I've been kicked in the gut. I have had Zooey since he was three months old (along with his littermate Franny) and I remember when he was born in my parent's storage building. I've watched him get his head stuck in my glass trying to drink my diet coke...I've laughed when he fell asleep sitting up and fell off the sofa...and I've purred back at him when he would curl up in my lap while I was clacking away at the computer.
I know I'm being prematurely freaked out...but this is my Zoe-Boy. Ten years is a long time to have with any animal, but he's a cat, so I was expecting about 10 more.
Here are some images of the best cat a girl could ask for...
This is me holding Zooey about...8 years ago? Scott and I were still dating at the time and he was playing with his camera. Zooey was a wee baby of 2.5 then.
Hush, Mom, geez, don't tell everything you know! (Zooey was about 5 months old here)
This taken right after I moved to WVa. Fran and Zoe were so little that they rode in my lap all the way there from Georgia.
Zoe and I will be okay, and when we're not...we'll still be okay.
(edited to add that while I refer to him as Zoe, that's pronounced Zoh and not Zoh-ee. You wouldn't believe how many vet techs and others have corrected me when I spell his name for them... Apparently they don't read Salinger...)
The vet called. The bloodwork is bad. His kidneys aren't working right, he has a UTI (urine drawn straight from the bladder), his BUN and phosphorus levels are high and his creatinine is high/normal. His thyroid is also high/normal.
Bless his heart, after spewing all this techinical stuff, Dr. Herold said, "I'm sorry to have to tell you this...but numbers like this usually indicate a condition that's going to get progressively worse."
I feel like I've been kicked in the gut. I have had Zooey since he was three months old (along with his littermate Franny) and I remember when he was born in my parent's storage building. I've watched him get his head stuck in my glass trying to drink my diet coke...I've laughed when he fell asleep sitting up and fell off the sofa...and I've purred back at him when he would curl up in my lap while I was clacking away at the computer.
I know I'm being prematurely freaked out...but this is my Zoe-Boy. Ten years is a long time to have with any animal, but he's a cat, so I was expecting about 10 more.
Here are some images of the best cat a girl could ask for...
This is me holding Zooey about...8 years ago? Scott and I were still dating at the time and he was playing with his camera. Zooey was a wee baby of 2.5 then.
Hush, Mom, geez, don't tell everything you know! (Zooey was about 5 months old here)
This taken right after I moved to WVa. Fran and Zoe were so little that they rode in my lap all the way there from Georgia.
Zoe and I will be okay, and when we're not...we'll still be okay.
(edited to add that while I refer to him as Zoe, that's pronounced Zoh and not Zoh-ee. You wouldn't believe how many vet techs and others have corrected me when I spell his name for them... Apparently they don't read Salinger...)
08 September 2005
Interesting Katrina-Related Quote from Egypt
(courtesy the BBC website linked above)
Editorial in Egypt's al-Ahram
"The destruction brought about by the dreadful Hurricane Katrina confirms that human beings, even the most powerful ones on earth, cannot prevent the powerful agitation of nature, whose force cannot be compared with human strength. The reality is that human suffering in this disaster requires solidarity from the whole world."
Quote for the Day
This just jumped out at me (go figure, look at the title of my blog!!) from the BBC website. I was following a link in liz's blog and checking out Antony and the Johnsons who won this year's Mercury Music prize. This is the lead singer, Antony Hegarty, describing the competition:
I love it! I'm not so sure about their music...the one sample I've heard on the BBC site was a little too Boy Georgy/George Michaely for me, but it had a bit of a Bob Geldorf overtone that I kinda liked. I'll have to research the band more.
"It's kind of like a crazy contest between an orange and a spaceship and a potted plant and a spoon - which one do you like better?" he said. -BBC
I love it! I'm not so sure about their music...the one sample I've heard on the BBC site was a little too Boy Georgy/George Michaely for me, but it had a bit of a Bob Geldorf overtone that I kinda liked. I'll have to research the band more.
07 September 2005
Some Quotes on Katrina
[Anne]Rice, author of the Vampire Chronicles books, said people have asked her in recent days why so many people stayed behind when they knew the hurricane was coming.
"They didn't have any place to go," she wrote. "They are the poor, black and white, who dwell in any city in great numbers. . . . There was no way to up and leave and check into the nearest Ramada Inn."
Rice, who now lives near San Diego, Calif., said she believes New Orleans will be rebuilt.
"But to my country I want to say this: During this crisis you failed us," Rice wrote. -AP
FEMA's 'eat-cake' attitude
By LESLIE SAFFREY
Tuesday, September 6, 2005, Page A16
Toronto -- FEMA officials claim they couldn't get people and equipment into New Orleans fast enough. In light of the number of reporters and camera crews in the city since the storm left, maybe FEMA's next director should be a TV news producer. -The Globe and Mail
Many residents were happy that the storm spared their homes, but angry that the failure of the levee system left them swamped. Some were considering a lawsuit against the federal government for having a levee that could survive no more than a Category 3 hurricane. -AP
In much poorer societies, such as Indonesia and Sri Lanka after the Boxing Day tsunami, or in more polarized societies like Montreal during the 1998 ice storm, scenes of looting, violence and selfish desperation did not occur. But the large U.S. cities of the South have a very different sort of group psychology, in which faith in individual fortune replaces the fixed social roles that keep other places aloft during crises.
In U.S. cities like New Orleans, in the analysis of the American-British organizational psychologist Cary Cooper, social cohesion depends on a shared belief that individual hard work, good luck and God's grace will bring a person out of poverty and into prosperity. But those very qualities can destroy the safety net of mutual support that might otherwise help people in an emergency.
"Fear itself motivates people in the U.S. -- the fear that you could lose everything," Prof. Cooper said in an interview yesterday from his office at the University of Lancaster. "That creates the best in American society, the inventiveness, but the moment the net is pulled out, it becomes a terrible jungle." -Doug Saunders, The Globe and Mail
06 September 2005
And Another Thing...
Yeah, I seem to be full of opinions today...
I heard a story on NPR about a little boy who was told by military personnel (who most likely were armed as most are in LA at the moment) that he had to leave his dog behind when he was being evacuated from New Orleans. The boy allegedly burst into tears, calling out for his dog as they were separated. "Snowball...!" That breaks my heart, not only for the boy but also for the animal who no doubt became one of who knows how many left to fend for themselves.
Now before anyone gets all huffy about the value of a human life compared to an animal life or any of that, take a deep breath and move on. This rant is not about that issue. This is about yet another example of how the best interests of the people in New Orleans might have been overlooked during the evacuation.
Many therapists and clinicians now are starting to recognize the healing power that interaction with a companion animal can have on a distressed human. It breaks my heart more to think of that little boy now not only without a home and possibly without family but without his dog...that dog could have kept him distracted during long hours waiting for medical help or food/water. That dog could have been someone for him to talk to while the adults discussed the more frightening issues at hand. That dog could have been something for that boy to hold on to in a time when everything in his world was turned upside down.
Don't even get me started on assistance animals...I don't think my heart can break into anymore pieces than it already has.
I heard a story on NPR about a little boy who was told by military personnel (who most likely were armed as most are in LA at the moment) that he had to leave his dog behind when he was being evacuated from New Orleans. The boy allegedly burst into tears, calling out for his dog as they were separated. "Snowball...!" That breaks my heart, not only for the boy but also for the animal who no doubt became one of who knows how many left to fend for themselves.
Now before anyone gets all huffy about the value of a human life compared to an animal life or any of that, take a deep breath and move on. This rant is not about that issue. This is about yet another example of how the best interests of the people in New Orleans might have been overlooked during the evacuation.
Many therapists and clinicians now are starting to recognize the healing power that interaction with a companion animal can have on a distressed human. It breaks my heart more to think of that little boy now not only without a home and possibly without family but without his dog...that dog could have kept him distracted during long hours waiting for medical help or food/water. That dog could have been someone for him to talk to while the adults discussed the more frightening issues at hand. That dog could have been something for that boy to hold on to in a time when everything in his world was turned upside down.
Don't even get me started on assistance animals...I don't think my heart can break into anymore pieces than it already has.
More on Katrina, Now it's Personal...Kinda...
I got an email today via work with the names of seventeen Deaf/HOH people that lost their lives as a result of Hurricane Katrina. I didn't know any of them. But because I count myself as a member of the Deaf Community (a fringe member, since I'm not Deaf, but that's another blog topic for another day), they were important to me. They were mothers and fathers, children, brothers, and sisters...and they were Deaf/HOH...
The Deaf Community is not that big of a place, really. There's a joke that I can sneeze at home in Anderson and someone Deaf/HOH in Charleston will text me to say bless you. News travels fast...joys and sorrows are shared...and this is most definitely a sorrow that will be felt throughout the Deaf Community nation and world-wide.
On a slightly related note...I wanted to comment on something that I heard the President say recently. Now those that know me know that I am not Dubya's biggest fan...and that on occasion I have come up with some better names for him than Dubya. Lots of attention has been focused on him in the past week, and most of it has been negative...but I think that he has finally outdone himself when it comes to proving to us again and again the true nature of his character. During a speech discussing the devastation of the gulf coast, Baby Bush had this to say:
I'm sure that you are, Mr. President. Just make sure that the porch on the house in Mississippi doesn't face west toward New Orleans, or you might have to actually see the faces of those that were forgotten in the wake of the hurricane's devastation.
The Deaf Community is not that big of a place, really. There's a joke that I can sneeze at home in Anderson and someone Deaf/HOH in Charleston will text me to say bless you. News travels fast...joys and sorrows are shared...and this is most definitely a sorrow that will be felt throughout the Deaf Community nation and world-wide.
On a slightly related note...I wanted to comment on something that I heard the President say recently. Now those that know me know that I am not Dubya's biggest fan...and that on occasion I have come up with some better names for him than Dubya. Lots of attention has been focused on him in the past week, and most of it has been negative...but I think that he has finally outdone himself when it comes to proving to us again and again the true nature of his character. During a speech discussing the devastation of the gulf coast, Baby Bush had this to say:
"Out of the rubble of Trent Lott's house - he's lost his entire house - there's going to be a fantastic house. And I'm looking forward to sitting on the porch."
I'm sure that you are, Mr. President. Just make sure that the porch on the house in Mississippi doesn't face west toward New Orleans, or you might have to actually see the faces of those that were forgotten in the wake of the hurricane's devastation.
04 September 2005
Time Travel and Other Wishes
I know that it's a natural reaction to unpleasant circumstance, but I find myself wishing that we could all go back to a week ago today and just stay there.
A week ago today, people in New Orleans and Gulfport and Biloxi were either still in their homes or preparing to leave them. At the least, they still had their homes.
A week ago today, babies weren't dying from dehydration. Elderly people weren't dying in wheelchairs outside of convention centers.
I know that things are slowly starting to improve for those in the affected areas, but it just seems that the relief has been agonizingly slow coming...especially since all reports indicate that the authorities knew what a hurricane of this strength would do to New Orleans.
I have always had a special place in my heart for New Orleans. In the times that I have visited, I have been charmed beyond belief by the city, the people, the way of life...time seems to stop when you're there. Nothing outside of the city exists any more, and you feel like you've stepped into another world. I would never claim to understand what the people from New Orleans are feeling, but as the Fats Domino song says I am one of those who "left my heart there" when I went to New Orleans. A week ago today the French Quarter still looked like it did the last time I had coffee at Cafe DuMonde.
I have never been to Biloxi, but I've been through southern Mississippi. To think that towns are just gone...lives are gone...is almost more than I can fathom. The images of the casino barges perched in the middle of highways are just amazing to me.
The latest on the disaster response team's deployment to Houston is that we aren't sure when we're going or where we're going. There is a possibility that some of the evacuees may be headed for Greenville, so we may not be going anywhere but across town. Wherever we end up, however, I hope we go soon. I feel that if I can get into the present, in with my sleeves rolled up, helping those that need it...then the memories of and longing for a week ago today will fade.
A week ago today, people in New Orleans and Gulfport and Biloxi were either still in their homes or preparing to leave them. At the least, they still had their homes.
A week ago today, babies weren't dying from dehydration. Elderly people weren't dying in wheelchairs outside of convention centers.
I know that things are slowly starting to improve for those in the affected areas, but it just seems that the relief has been agonizingly slow coming...especially since all reports indicate that the authorities knew what a hurricane of this strength would do to New Orleans.
I have always had a special place in my heart for New Orleans. In the times that I have visited, I have been charmed beyond belief by the city, the people, the way of life...time seems to stop when you're there. Nothing outside of the city exists any more, and you feel like you've stepped into another world. I would never claim to understand what the people from New Orleans are feeling, but as the Fats Domino song says I am one of those who "left my heart there" when I went to New Orleans. A week ago today the French Quarter still looked like it did the last time I had coffee at Cafe DuMonde.
I have never been to Biloxi, but I've been through southern Mississippi. To think that towns are just gone...lives are gone...is almost more than I can fathom. The images of the casino barges perched in the middle of highways are just amazing to me.
The latest on the disaster response team's deployment to Houston is that we aren't sure when we're going or where we're going. There is a possibility that some of the evacuees may be headed for Greenville, so we may not be going anywhere but across town. Wherever we end up, however, I hope we go soon. I feel that if I can get into the present, in with my sleeves rolled up, helping those that need it...then the memories of and longing for a week ago today will fade.
01 September 2005
Katrina Revisited
I am a fringe member of the South Carolina Disaster Response team. I say fringe because I am a member due to my current employment status with the Dept. of Mental Health and because I'm not a clinician. Usually my supervisor would respond if the team is called up but not me. Not until now.
It seems that in the very near future I will be heading to Texas to help out at the Astrodome. Nothing is decided as far as timelines, departure dates, etc., but I understand that we will be looking at 2 weeks there. I am both excited and scared to death...but mostly happy that I will be able to do more than just watch the news feed on CNN.
More info as I get it...
It seems that in the very near future I will be heading to Texas to help out at the Astrodome. Nothing is decided as far as timelines, departure dates, etc., but I understand that we will be looking at 2 weeks there. I am both excited and scared to death...but mostly happy that I will be able to do more than just watch the news feed on CNN.
More info as I get it...
I hate this !!
I have a serious character flaw when it comes to things not working as they should. I become irrationally angry and if the thing in question is of a reasonable weight I might even attempt to throw it across the room. It is my understanding that while they do not share my love of projectiles, my father and sister both share this impatience with things that do not do what they are supposed to do, so at least I come by the temper honestly.
My computer has let me down. My sounds and video work erratically at best these days. Sometimes I have sound/video on websites when surfing, sometimes not. Two days ago I could see the video feed on the CNN site. Not so today. Even the music download program I use was screwy today. Musicmatch Jukebox let me preview and download tunes, MSN Music did not. I was using MSN Music because awhile back it would let me preview and download tunes and Musicmatch would not. Seeing a pattern here?
Tonight while playing Everquest I tried to connect to Teamspeak. Not only did Teamspeak refuse to connect to the server, after I closed it I no longer had sound in Everquest.
I've reloaded things, reset defaults, done everything but sell my cpu's soul to the dark side to get things working as they were intended, and nothing is working. I don't get it!! Admittedly I only have enough computer knowledge to be dangerous, but I know how to check this and troubleshoot that...and I know when to ask for help.
And when the "help" (various customer supports/services) doesn't know what's wrong with the machine, I know it's time to throw it across the room. Clear the floor, houndies...CPU Incoming...
My computer has let me down. My sounds and video work erratically at best these days. Sometimes I have sound/video on websites when surfing, sometimes not. Two days ago I could see the video feed on the CNN site. Not so today. Even the music download program I use was screwy today. Musicmatch Jukebox let me preview and download tunes, MSN Music did not. I was using MSN Music because awhile back it would let me preview and download tunes and Musicmatch would not. Seeing a pattern here?
Tonight while playing Everquest I tried to connect to Teamspeak. Not only did Teamspeak refuse to connect to the server, after I closed it I no longer had sound in Everquest.
I've reloaded things, reset defaults, done everything but sell my cpu's soul to the dark side to get things working as they were intended, and nothing is working. I don't get it!! Admittedly I only have enough computer knowledge to be dangerous, but I know how to check this and troubleshoot that...and I know when to ask for help.
And when the "help" (various customer supports/services) doesn't know what's wrong with the machine, I know it's time to throw it across the room. Clear the floor, houndies...CPU Incoming...
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