Music Monday: Diabolical Blue

This song came up on a playlist recently and while I'm not sure yet, I think it will be very important come to November's Nanowrimo. Or I just like Elbow. One or the other. Or both. Enjoy.


What Am I Without You?by Elbow
The universe keeps singing this songYour eyes are diabolical blue, oohI've been watching you walk on the water latelyMy arms outstretched when you do
What am I?What am I on the earth forIf not to put you to bed?If not to remind you to eat sometimes, if...If not to cradle your head?What am I without you?
The universe keeps singing its songI can't get it out of my headIt skips right along like a stone on waterAnd I think I know how it ends
The last eyes I wanna seeAre yours, are brown and diabolical blueThey never once criеd without laughing, babySo I'll line up a zinger for youThat's what I'll do
Ooh-ooh-ooh-oohWhat am I without you?Ooh-ooh-ooh-oohWhat am I without you?What am I without you?What am I?

Man, it has been a week...

Cover Art: The Temple

So I am back at the DayJob™ now and...y'all. How did I forget everything that it entails in one short summer break? I mean, I haven't forgotten how to interpret, thankfully, but the other stuff has put me in the front seat of the struggle bus. It's also made me put off things that need to get done for my other life as a writer.

One thing that is coming up sooner than I'd thought is the release of my 8th Orana Chronicles novel, The Temple. EIGHT! I don't know how that happened or what I was doing when it did, but this beauty will be in preorder for e-book starting in October and released in all formats on November 5th. What?

I look back at those seven books in line ahead of The Temple and I can see a definite progression in the story arc, in my writing, and in character development, and that's a good thing. But it is leading me to think more broadly and after I got book two in the Arcstone series pulled into a second draft for last July's NaNoWriMo I think I might be ready to add a second book to the Luminous Beings series as well as branch out into some vampire fiction.

And here is where I can clearly hear the voice of my mother in the back of my mind cautioning me to finish one thing at a time because she knew me very well and she knew that often my excitement can override my ability to manage my time. 

So for now...let's just focus on The Temple, which follows the events of Red. Where that book gave Tairn a chance to step into the role of the main character, this one gives that same ability to Hack and Elys. I say every time that this is my favorite of the Orana characters, and while I love Hack and Elys dearly I still have a soft spot for Tairn. They have a strength of character that she has only just developed - and they have each other.

And that's all I can say without pulling my usual spoilers, so there ya go. Watch for more information on the release of The Temple...and be good to yourselves. Time flies by, whether you're having fun or not, it would seem.

Music Monday: A Journey to the 80s

The year was 1983. I was in seventh grade. And this magnificent band put out hit after hit...and now, a few years later (I'm not going to concede that the 80s were more than about 15 years ago, so don't try) this song hits differently. And when you put it with my WIP that you will have the chance to read in November, it just speaks to me of REDACTED and REDACTED and what happened at the end of Red. Also...it is a perfect example of 80s ballads at their best. Enjoy.

Send Her My Loveby Journey
It's been so longSince I've seen her faceYou say she's doin' fineI still recall a sad cafeHow it hurt so bad to see her cryI didn't want to say goodbye
Send her my loveMemories remainSend her my loveRoses never fadeSend her my love
The same hotelThe same old roomI'm on the road againShe needed so much moreThan I could giveWe knew our love could not pretendBroken hearts can always mend
Send her my loveMemories remainSend her my loveRoses never fadeSend her my love
Callin' out her name, I'm dreamin'Reflections of a face I'm seein'It's her voice that keeps on haunting me
Send her, send her my loveRoses never fadeMemories remainSend her, send her my love

Music Monday: A Bit of Shakespear...

I don't know what I was doing this past week when this song came to my attention...because I hadn't heard it in...well, several years. But I really listened to the lyrics and...Em. Lex. Arcstone. That's all I can say because of SPOILERS but...that manuscript is in the cooling-off time now and STILL, they are asking for me to tell more of their story. Yeesh.


Stayby Shakespears Sister
If this world is wearing thinAnd you're thinking of escapeI'll go anywhere with you
Just wrap me up in chainsBut if you try to go aloneDon't think I'll understand
Stay with meStay with me
In the silence of your roomIn the darkness of your dreamsYou must only think of me
There can be no in betweenWhen your pride is on the floorI'll make you beg for more
Stay with meStay with me
You'd better hope and prayThat you make it safeBack to your own world
You'd better hope and prayThat you'll wake one dayIn your own world
'Cause when you sleep at nightThey don't hear your criesIn your own world
Only time will tellIf you can break the spellBack in your own world
Stay with meStay with me
Stay, stay with meStay, stay, stay, stay, stayStay with me

Music Monday: Fighters, in All Forms

I write a LOT of female characters. Some of them are strong from the get go (Em/Madelyne, Annie, Elys) and others have to come into their strength (Gin, Lucy). But one thing that both types have in common is that they have an opposite, a motivator, and that isn't always the antagonist. Tairn, for example, could sit back and blame Taeben for her woes but her motivator is herself, really. She is fighting against years of letting herself believe that she is inferior to her sister, Nel. That's what makes her a fighter...

Fighter

by Christina Aguilera

After all you put me through

You'd think I'd despise you

But in the end, I wanna thank you

'Cause you made me that much stronger

Well, I thought I knew you

Thinkin' that you were true

Guess I, I couldn't trust, called your bluff

Time is up 'cause I've had enough

You were there by my side

Always down for the ride

But your joy ride just came down in flames

'Cause your greed sold me out in shame

After all of the stealing and cheatin'

You probably think that I hold resentment for you

But uh-uh, oh no, you're wrong

'Cause if it wasn't for all that you tried to do

I wouldn't know just how capable I am to pull through

So I wanna say thank you

'Cause it makes me that much stronger

Makes me work a little bit harder

Makes me that much wiser

So thanks for making me a fighter

Made me learn a little bit faster

Made my skin a little bit thicker

Makes me that much smarter

So thanks for making me a fighter

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh-oh-oh, yeah, yeah, yeah ohh

Never saw it coming

All of your backstabbing

Just so you could cash in on a good thing

Before I realized your game

I heard you're goin' 'round playin' the victim now

But don't even begin feeling I'm the one to blame

'Cause you dug your own grave

After all of the fights and the lies

Guess you're wanting to hold me

But that won't work anymore (no more, aha, it's over)

'Cause if it wasn't for all of your torture

I wouldn't know how to be this way now and never back down

So I wanna say thank you

'Cause it makes me that much stronger

Makes me work a little bit harder

It makes me that much wiser

So thanks for making me a fighter

Made me learn a little bit faster

Made my skin a little bit thicker

Makes me that much smarter

So thanks for making me a fighter

How could this man I thought I knew

Turn out to be unjust, so cruel?

Could only see the good in you

Pretended not to see the truth

You tried to hide your lies

Disguise yourself through living in denial

But in the end you'll see, you won't stop me

I am a fighter and I (I'm a fighter)

I ain't gon' stop (I ain't gonna stop)

There is no turning back

I've had enough

Makes me that much stronger

Makes me work a little bit harder (oh)

It makes me that much wiser (oh yeah, oh yeah)

So thanks for making me a fighter

Made me learn a little bit faster (yeah)

Made my skin a little bit thicker (yeah, yeah, yeah)

Makes me that much smarter (yeah)

So thanks for making me a fighter (Fighter)

You thought I would forget but I, I remembered (ooh-ooh-ooh)

'Cause I remembered (ooh-ooh-ooh)

I remembered

You thought I would forget (ooh-ooh)

I remembered (ooh-ooh)

'Cause I remembered (ooh)

I remembered

Makes me that much stronger (ooh-ooh)

Makes me work a little bit harder (ooh-ooh)

It makes me that much wiser

So thanks for making me a fighter

Made me learn a little bit faster

Made my skin a little bit thicker

Makes me that much smarter

So thanks for making me a fighter

Music Monday: Bringing the...Hell?

So, in another Tiktok introduction, I bring you this song that follows the folk song tradition in that there is a story within its three and half minutes...but I came up with at least two more as I listened. This kind of music is what writers like me (pantsers) listen to when we need inspiration...or we just want to stare at a blank screen and pretend that we know what we are doing.

Hell's Comin' With Meby Poor Mans Poison
They all laughed as he turned around slowThey said you ain't welcome 'round here anymoreYou just might as well go
He wiped the blood from his face as he slowly came to his kneesHe said, I'll be back when you least expect itAnd hell's coming with meHell's coming with me
There is a hill at the bottom of the valleyWhere all the poor souls go when they dieAnd if you listen real closeYou can hear em' like a ghostSaying you're never gonna make it out alive
There is a town at the bottom of that hillThey got a secret that they keep like a slaveThey got a black magic preacher (ooh)We'd do well to let him teach herYou'll be heading up that hill to the grave
And it is well, with my soulYou line your pockets full of money that you steal from the poorAnd on your way down to hell, you hear me ring that bellI'd pay the devil twice as much to keep your soul
There was a drifter passing through that little valleySee he had promised he was coming back to town (coming back to town)They didn't know him by his face, or by the gun around his waist (ooh)But he come back to burn that town to the ground
First there was fire, then there was smokeThen that preacher man was hangin' by a ropeThen they all fell to their knees and begged that drifterBegged him please, as he raised his fist before he spoke
I am the righteous hand of GodAnd I am the devil that you forgotAnd I told you one day you will seeThat I'll be back I guaranteeAnd that hell's coming, hell's comingHell, hell's coming with me
And it is well, with my soulYou line your pockets full of money that you steal from the poorAnd on your way down to hell, you hear me ring that bellAnd I said, hell's coming with me (hell's coming with me)

Music Monday: I'm Only Real...I Mean Human

I may have posted this one before, but it occurs to me how perfect it is for my current WIP for this month's Camp Nanowrimo. The discussion of who is human/real and who isn't is at the center of this second foray into Arcstone, and while it is on the second draft it still needs a lot of work. But...I'm only human...don't put the blame on me, hey?


Humanby Rag'n'Bone Man
Maybe I'm foolish, maybe I'm blindThinking I can see through this and see what's behindGot no way to prove it so maybe I'm blind
But I'm only human after all, I'm only human after allDon't put your blame on me
Take a look in the mirror and what do you seeDo you see it clearer or are you deceived in what you believe
Cos I'm only human after all, you're only human after allDon't put the blame on meDon't put your blame on me
Some people got the real problemsSome people out of luckSome people think I can solve themLord heavens aboveI'm only human after all, I'm only human after allDon't put the blame on meDon't put the blame on me
Don't ask my opinion, don't ask me to lieThen beg for forgiveness for making you cry, making you cry
Cos I'm only human after all, I'm only human after allDon't put your blame on me, don't put the blame on me
Some people got the real problemsSome people out of luckSome people think I can solve themLord heavens aboveI'm only human after all, I'm only human after allDon't put the blame on meDon't put the blame on meI'm only human I make mistakesI'm only human that's all it takes to put the blame on meDon't put your blame on me
I'm no prophet or messiahShould go looking somewhere higher 
I'm only human after all, I'm only human after allDon't put the blame on me, don't put the blame on meI'm only human I do what I canI'm just a man, I do what I canDon't put the blame on meDon't put your blame on me

Three Years That Feel Like Three Minutes

Martha Ann McDonald
9 Aug 1932-21 July 2019

The first year was a blur. She had been declining for a little over a month, so when my sister called me to tell me that she had passed there was a feeling of relief. she wasn't suffering. She was with Daddy, finally, which I think is what she wanted most from the moment he left us in 2018.

Then there was the pandemic. It was easy to not let the grief take over in 2020 because I was so focused on this Big Bad Scary Thing that was taking over the news cycle and driving us into our homes, separated and safe. I often said during that year that while I missed her desperately I was glad, in a way, that she didn't have to experience this time. And while that was very true, there were many times when I felt desperately alone and just needed to hear her say "Hey, Nancy," on the other end of the phone.

I was ready for the pain in 2021, but the pandemic held on a little longer, so I could put a pin in all that awful for a little longer. But this year, 2022, it has hit me and now it's almost like it is happening all over again. 

I remember with visceral clarity how small her hand felt in mine as I sat by her bed at Emory. I remember thinking that my sister was a superhero because she had now walked alongside both of our parents through this last stage of life while I just flew in and out like a hummingbird, never landing long enough to let any of the pain seep into my soul.

My mother was a force of nature kept in check by a very strict southern American upbringing. She told us that the girls in her family (of which there were three) took care of things inside the home and her brothers (also three, and all older than their sisters) took care of things outside the home. My mother didn't know how to change a tire and was very uncomfortable writing a check. She was a product of the Great Depression that came of age in the 1950s. She "didn't get the whole hippie thing" during the 1960s and suddenly found her purpose, I think, in the 1970s when her daughters were born. I honestly think that in 1971 they stopped being Hoyt and Martha and became Nancy's mom and dad...and then in 1976, that purpose was cemented when they became Susan's mom and dad.

She had bachelor's and master's degrees from the University of Georgia in English, with a concentration in Elizabethan Literature. She knew a bit of French from having to fill in for a French teacher at one of the high schools that didn't have one. She was a teacher down to her very bones, and to be honest I'm not sure which age group was her favorite. I do know that she enjoyed teaching preschool at the churches where Daddy served.

She was always my biggest fan, and truth be told I was hers even though I didn't show it. Her relationship with my father was the best example of faithfulness and love I could have had growing up, and I know that I was luckier than most.

And now it has been three years, and I am still picking up the phone to call her when I have a good report selling books or a challenging interpreting assignment. I have been adrift for three years now, and that part doesn't feel like three minutes any more than it feels like it will get better.

For all of you that have lost someone either before or during the pandemic, I see you. I hold space for you. This is hard stuff, the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. I remember sitting with my sister that Sunday afternoon when she died and asking her if we were orphans now.

I still don't know the answer to that, but I will never stop missing my mom.

 

Music Monday: 80s Throwback, Part 1

Confession time: I love Survivor. I mean, I love 80s music, don't get me wrong, but...their album Vital Signs by Survivor was a revelation for teenage me, and was Most Likely To Be Played At Every School Dance when I was in high school. I know it may come as a shock since I've NEVER EVER written romance into any of my books...but I'm hopeless in that category and these songs...just...

The video for I Can't Hold Back is 80s gold, complete with big hair, leather trousers, smoky dance sequences and, of course, well fitting blue jeans. The lyrics also resonated with me in terms of the current WIP, Camp Nano Take Two, which involves one of the most complicated couples I've ever written: Valentin and Henri. Have mercy. 

Valentin is very much like Taeben from my Orana Chronicles: a villain who is motivated by misplaced notions of love and control. Morally gray? Not so much. Morally deficient? Nope, not that either. Just men who were hurt by someone in their formative years with strange ideas of what love is.

Enjoy.

I Can't Hold Backby Survivor
There's a story in my eyesTurn the pages of desireNow it's time to trade those dreamsFor the rush of passion's fire
I can feel you tremble when we touchAnd I feel the hand of fateReaching out to both of us
I've been holding back the nightI've been searching for a clue from youI'm gonna try with all my mightTo make this story line come true
Can ya feel me tremble when we touch?Can you feel the hand of fate?Reaching out to both of usThis love affair can't wait
I can't hold back, I'm on the edge(I can't hold back)Your voice explodes inside my headI can't hold back, I won't back downGirl it's too late to turn back now
Another shooting star goes byAnd in the night the silence speaks to you and IAnd now the time has come at lastDon't let the moment run too fast
I can feel you tremble when we touchAnd I feel the hand of fateReaching out to both of us
There's a story in my eyesTurn the pages of desireNow it's time to trade those dreamsFor the rush of passion's fire
I can't hold back, I'm on the edge(I can't hold back)Your voice explodes inside my headI can't hold back, I won't back downGirl it's too late to turn back now
I can see you tremble when we touchOohh, and I feel the hand of fateReaching out to both of usThis love affair can't waitI can't hold back, I can't hold backI can't hold back, I can't hold back

Music Monday: Heavy is the Crown...

I'm behind on my intro to Daughtry, admittedly. But here is one that strikes me as more Orana than Arcstone...and I'm hoping putting it out here will get it out of my head and stop distracting me. This Camp Nano is Arcstone, dang it! Enjoy.

(Captions/Lyrics in the video! Yay!)

Music Monday: Not Stranger Things. Nope.

I'm sure you've seen the Stranger Things season finale/last two episodes/massive LOTR length movie pretending to be two episodes of a television show, and that you have all the feels. Well, I'm not spoiling anything here, so I'll just leave you with something I found on Spotify the other day that slots in amazingly well to the playlist for this month's Camp Nanowrimo. 

But never fear, I have a whole bunch of ST4-related song post ideas. A WHOLE BUNCH.

Bad Romancelyrics by Lady Gaga
Want your bad romanceWant your bad romance...I want your ugly, I want your diseaseI want your everything as long as it's freeI want your love (I want your love)Love, love, love, I want your love (I want your love, I want your love)I want your drama, the touch of your handI want your leather-studded kiss in the sandI want your love (want your love)Love, love, love, I want your love (want your love, I want your love)-You know that I want you, and you know that I need youI want it bad, a bad romanceI want your love and I want your revengeYou and me could write a bad romance(Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh)I want your love and all your lovers' revengeYou and me could write a bad romanceOh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-ohCaught in a bad romanceOh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-ohCaught in a bad romanceWant your bad romance...Want your bad romanceI want your horrorI want your design'Cause you're a criminal as long as your mineI want your love(I want your love) love love loveI want your love (I want your love I want your love)I want your psycho, your vertigo stickWant you in my room whenYour baby is sick!I want your love(I want your love) love love loveI want your love (I want your love I want your love)You know that I want you, and you know that I need youI want it bad, a bad romanceI want your love, and I want your revengeYou and me could write a bad romance(Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh)I want your love and all your love has revengeYou and me could write a bad romanceOh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oh-oooh-ohCaught in a bad romanceOh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oh-oooh-ohCaught in a bad romanceWant your bad romance...Want your bad romance(Na na na na! Na na-na na na! Na na na na)-Want your bad romanceI want your love, and I want your revengeI want your love - I don't wanna be friends!Je veux ton amourEt je veux ta revancheJe veux ton amourI don't wanna be friends(I don't wanna be friends)I don't wanna be friends(I don't wanna be friends)No I don't wanna be friends!(I don't wanna be friends)Want your bad romance(Want your bad romance)Want your bad romance!!!I want your love, and I want your revengeYou and me could write a bad romance(Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh)I want your love and all your lovers' revengeYou and me could write a bad romanceOh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oh-oooh-ohCaught in a bad romanceOh-oh-oooh-oh-oh-oh-oooh-ohCaught in a bad romanceWant your bad romance(Na na, na na! Na na-na na na! Na na, na na)-Want your bad romance

Music Monday: Saudade

So...it has been a few days, hasn't it? I am unapologetically pro-choice and pro-women and the actions of the SCOTUS last week have shaken me to the core. Where ya going, US? 1965? 

This song struck me as describing the feeling we all have after hearing that decision:  "Saudade is a word for a sad state of intense longing for someone or something that is absent." (Per Google) In this case, I think, it is a longing for feeling like an equal part in society...the absence of feeling like we matter, or that someone has our back. 

Of course, by Saturday we were all ready to fight...but that is a different song.

Saudade

By Maro

I've tried to write a million other songs, but

Somehow I can't move on, oh, you're gone

Takes time, alright

And I know it's no one's fault, but

Somehow I can't move on, oh, you're gone

Saudade, saudade

Nothing more that I can say

Says it in a better way

Saudade, saudade

Nothing more that I can say

Says it in a better way

Tem tanto que trago comigo

Foi sempre o meu porto de abrigo

E agora nada faz sentido

Perdi o meu melhor amigo

E se não for demais, peço por sinais

Resta uma só palavra

Saudade, saudade

Nothing more that I can say

Says it in a better way

Saudade, saudade

Nothing more that I can say

Says it in a better way

Nothing more that I can say

Says it in a better way

I've tried, alright

But it's killing me inside

Thought you'd be by my side, always

[Translation of Portuguese lyrics in verse two:]

I have so much that I bring with me

It was always my haven

And now nothing makes sense, I lost my best friend

And if it's not too much, I ask for signs

Only one word remains

Music Monday: On Grandmothers and Bananas

I'm going to revisit this year's Eurovision for today's Music Monday because I cannot help but smile when I hear this song...and I have a wolf(hound) that doesn't like bananas. Enjoy. (Hooray for YouTube videos with captions, right?)

Music Monday: I Got Nuttin

I forgot Music Monday until Wednesday last week because everything has been just too much for the past few weeks. ConCarolinas was too much fun, but it was just a temporary respite from the very sick dog I have at home. Now, a week later, she is better...but she is older and the ick was pneumonia which is hard. So...I was watching the Tony Awards and wishing, as I do every year, that I had not given up on theatre when it got hard and I was doing the thing that makes my heart happy...and I came across Paradise Square and it is now on my TO SEE list. The last note that the actor hits had me plastered to the back of the couch. I'm talking Christine from Phantom, Javert from Les Mis and Phillipa Soo in Hamilton PLASTERED. Hopefully things will be better by next Monday.

(Lyrics not added because the video has CC capability, hallelujah.)

Music Monday: The Power of Kate Bush

 If you watch Stranger Things, then you know why I titled this post what I did. If you don't, and you are somehow not familiar with Kate Bush, you need to rectify that, soon.

Running Up that Hillby Kate Bush
"If I only could, I'd be running up that hill.If I only could, I'd be running up that hill."
It doesn't hurt me.Do you want to feel how it feels?Do you want to know that it doesn't hurt me?Do you want to hear about the deal that I'm making?You, it's you and me.
And if I only could,I'd make a deal with God,And I'd get him to swap our places,Be running up that road,Be running up that hill,Be running up that building.If I only could, oh...
You don't want to hurt me,But see how deep the bullet lies.Unaware I'm tearing you asunder.Ooh, there is thunder in our hearts.
Is there so much hate for the ones we love?Tell me, we both matter, don't we?You, it's you and me.It's you and me won't be unhappy.
And if I only could,I'd make a deal with God,And I'd get him to swap our places,Be running up that road,Be running up that hill,Be running up that building,Say, if I only could, oh...
You,It's you and me,It's you and me won't be unhappy.
"C'mon, baby, c'mon darling,Let me steal this moment from you now.C'mon, angel, c'mon, c'mon, darling,Let's exchange the experience, oh..."
And if I only could,I'd make a deal with God,And I'd get him to swap our places,Be running up that road,Be running up that hill,With no problems.
And if I only could,I'd make a deal with God,And I'd get him to swap our places,Be running up that road,Be running up that hill,With no problems.
And if I only could,I'd make a deal with God,And I'd get him to swap our places,Be running up that road,Be running up that hill,With no problems.
If I only couldBe running up that hillWith no problems...
"If I only could, I'd be running up that hill.If I only could, I'd be running up that hill."