Thank goodness it's almost May

April has been The Month of the Bean for the past nine years. Her birthday was 5 April and her Gotcha Day would have been today. Every time I think that I'm okay with this, that it's a part of life, that I was so lucky to have her at all and blessed to have so long with her...it just slaps me in the face that she's not here anymore.

Anyone who is reading this and just thought to yourself, "but it's just a dog," can sod off and stop reading right now. If you thought that, you don't know me, and you most definitely don't understand, and I'm choosing now not to have that kind of thinking in my life anymore.

Those of you still here...thank you. I miss her. I loved her so much, and in the end, it doesn't help and it didn't make any difference how much I loved her. I still lost her, and I guess that I need to just be okay with how much that hurts and not try to pretend it never happened.

It did happen. I did watch them take her out of the room, just like Profile, and never saw her again. She wasn't just another dog, she was my Jeany Bean, my beautiful beautiful girl, and I just couldn't do enough to keep her with me.

"I thought I would be ready for this, but how could anyone be ready for something like this?" -Brothers&Sisters