Today's Music Monday is a little bit about my current WIP and the FMC, but also a lot about me and my current situation. I was listening to it the other day and just reveling in the lyrics as I often do with Taylor Swift's music, but then I saw the video. All those past iterations of her arguing at the end made me think - I am not the same person I was this time last year when Eugene was discovered to be stage III breast cancer and not just a recurrence of my cyst from a decade ago. I've heard Hoda Kotb say that she has two lives now, pre and post breast cancer and that's very true.
It isn't just about the ways in which I look different now, post-chemo/radiation/bilateral mastectomy. Those things are surface level, really. The change that is sticking and that I'm thinking a lot about today is the change that happens to the me that was and the me that is. In early days, I just wanted to be through all the treatment, "so I can get back to my life." That, at the time, meant back to my then normal - hybrid remote work for the DayJob™️, appearance at the Georgia Renaissance Festival with Ciaragh, working all kinds of fandom conventions and other faires to sign my books...getting on with working toward being a full time author. Planning for our move abroad. Hanging out as much as I can with my US based friends before that move happens.
That stuff belonged to who I was before. Some of it has transitioned with me: the friends, the book signings on a smaller scale, the working toward being a full time author, and the DayJob™️ have all remained, just in different guises and on changed levels. But the renaissance festival appearances with the Hounds of East Fairhaven are in limbo at present - Ciaragh's death from lymphoma means I no longer have a rennie hound. The move abroad has been put off for a bit. Hanging out with the friends as much as possible has become keeping in touch as best I can and hanging out once in awhile.
But it's all okay. Eugene...look what you made me do. I am now worth the changes, even though they were awful in a lot of places. Welcome to the second half of my life.
Lyric Video:
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