25 July 2022
Music Monday: I'm Only Real...I Mean Human
21 July 2022
Three Years That Feel Like Three Minutes
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| Martha Ann McDonald 9 Aug 1932-21 July 2019 |
Then there was the pandemic. It was easy to not let the grief take over in 2020 because I was so focused on this Big Bad Scary Thing that was taking over the news cycle and driving us into our homes, separated and safe. I often said during that year that while I missed her desperately I was glad, in a way, that she didn't have to experience this time. And while that was very true, there were many times when I felt desperately alone and just needed to hear her say "Hey, Nancy," on the other end of the phone.
I was ready for the pain in 2021, but the pandemic held on a little longer, so I could put a pin in all that awful for a little longer. But this year, 2022, it has hit me and now it's almost like it is happening all over again.
I remember with visceral clarity how small her hand felt in mine as I sat by her bed at Emory. I remember thinking that my sister was a superhero because she had now walked alongside both of our parents through this last stage of life while I just flew in and out like a hummingbird, never landing long enough to let any of the pain seep into my soul.
My mother was a force of nature kept in check by a very strict southern American upbringing. She told us that the girls in her family (of which there were three) took care of things inside the home and her brothers (also three, and all older than their sisters) took care of things outside the home. My mother didn't know how to change a tire and was very uncomfortable writing a check. She was a product of the Great Depression that came of age in the 1950s. She "didn't get the whole hippie thing" during the 1960s and suddenly found her purpose, I think, in the 1970s when her daughters were born. I honestly think that in 1971 they stopped being Hoyt and Martha and became Nancy's mom and dad...and then in 1976, that purpose was cemented when they became Susan's mom and dad.
She had bachelor's and master's degrees from the University of Georgia in English, with a concentration in Elizabethan Literature. She knew a bit of French from having to fill in for a French teacher at one of the high schools that didn't have one. She was a teacher down to her very bones, and to be honest I'm not sure which age group was her favorite. I do know that she enjoyed teaching preschool at the churches where Daddy served.
She was always my biggest fan, and truth be told I was hers even though I didn't show it. Her relationship with my father was the best example of faithfulness and love I could have had growing up, and I know that I was luckier than most.
And now it has been three years, and I am still picking up the phone to call her when I have a good report selling books or a challenging interpreting assignment. I have been adrift for three years now, and that part doesn't feel like three minutes any more than it feels like it will get better.
For all of you that have lost someone either before or during the pandemic, I see you. I hold space for you. This is hard stuff, the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. I remember sitting with my sister that Sunday afternoon when she died and asking her if we were orphans now.
I still don't know the answer to that, but I will never stop missing my mom.
18 July 2022
Music Monday: 80s Throwback, Part 1
Confession time: I love Survivor. I mean, I love 80s music, don't get me wrong, but...their album Vital Signs by Survivor was a revelation for teenage me, and was Most Likely To Be Played At Every School Dance when I was in high school. I know it may come as a shock since I've NEVER EVER written romance into any of my books...but I'm hopeless in that category and these songs...just...
I Can't Hold Back by Survivor
There's a story in my eyes Turn the pages of desire Now it's time to trade those dreams For the rush of passion's fire
I can feel you tremble when we touch And I feel the hand of fate Reaching out to both of us
I've been holding back the night I've been searching for a clue from you I'm gonna try with all my might To make this story line come true
Can ya feel me tremble when we touch? Can you feel the hand of fate? Reaching out to both of us This love affair can't wait
I can't hold back, I'm on the edge (I can't hold back) Your voice explodes inside my head I can't hold back, I won't back down Girl it's too late to turn back now
Another shooting star goes by And in the night the silence speaks to you and I And now the time has come at last Don't let the moment run too fast
I can feel you tremble when we touch And I feel the hand of fate Reaching out to both of us
There's a story in my eyes Turn the pages of desire Now it's time to trade those dreams For the rush of passion's fire
I can't hold back, I'm on the edge (I can't hold back) Your voice explodes inside my head I can't hold back, I won't back down Girl it's too late to turn back now
I can see you tremble when we touch Oohh, and I feel the hand of fate Reaching out to both of us This love affair can't wait I can't hold back, I can't hold back I can't hold back, I can't hold back
The video for I Can't Hold Back is 80s gold, complete with big hair, leather trousers, smoky dance sequences and, of course, well fitting blue jeans. The lyrics also resonated with me in terms of the current WIP, Camp Nano Take Two, which involves one of the most complicated couples I've ever written: Valentin and Henri. Have mercy.
Valentin is very much like Taeben from my Orana Chronicles: a villain who is motivated by misplaced notions of love and control. Morally gray? Not so much. Morally deficient? Nope, not that either. Just men who were hurt by someone in their formative years with strange ideas of what love is.
Enjoy.
11 July 2022
Music Monday: Heavy is the Crown...
I'm behind on my intro to Daughtry, admittedly. But here is one that strikes me as more Orana than Arcstone...and I'm hoping putting it out here will get it out of my head and stop distracting me. This Camp Nano is Arcstone, dang it! Enjoy.
04 July 2022
Music Monday: Not Stranger Things. Nope.
I'm sure you've seen the Stranger Things season finale/last two episodes/massive LOTR length movie pretending to be two episodes of a television show, and that you have all the feels. Well, I'm not spoiling anything here, so I'll just leave you with something I found on Spotify the other day that slots in amazingly well to the playlist for this month's Camp Nanowrimo.
But never fear, I have a whole bunch of ST4-related song post ideas. A WHOLE BUNCH.
27 June 2022
Music Monday: Saudade
So...it has been a few days, hasn't it? I am unapologetically pro-choice and pro-women and the actions of the SCOTUS last week have shaken me to the core. Where ya going, US? 1965?
This song struck me as describing the feeling we all have after hearing that decision: "Saudade is a word for a sad state of intense longing for someone or something that is absent." (Per Google) In this case, I think, it is a longing for feeling like an equal part in society...the absence of feeling like we matter, or that someone has our back.
Of course, by Saturday we were all ready to fight...but that is a different song.
Saudade
By Maro
I've tried to write a million other songs, but
Somehow I can't move on, oh, you're gone
Takes time, alright
And I know it's no one's fault, but
Somehow I can't move on, oh, you're gone
Saudade, saudade
Nothing more that I can say
Says it in a better way
Saudade, saudade
Nothing more that I can say
Says it in a better way
Tem tanto que trago comigo
Foi sempre o meu porto de abrigo
E agora nada faz sentido
Perdi o meu melhor amigo
E se não for demais, peço por sinais
Resta uma só palavra
Saudade, saudade
Nothing more that I can say
Says it in a better way
Saudade, saudade
Nothing more that I can say
Says it in a better way
Nothing more that I can say
Says it in a better way
I've tried, alright
But it's killing me inside
Thought you'd be by my side, always
[Translation of Portuguese lyrics in verse two:]
I have so much that I bring with me
It was always my haven
And now nothing makes sense, I lost my best friend
And if it's not too much, I ask for signs
Only one word remains
20 June 2022
Music Monday: On Grandmothers and Bananas
I'm going to revisit this year's Eurovision for today's Music Monday because I cannot help but smile when I hear this song...and I have a wolf(hound) that doesn't like bananas. Enjoy. (Hooray for YouTube videos with captions, right?)
13 June 2022
Music Monday: I Got Nuttin
I forgot Music Monday until Wednesday last week because everything has been just too much for the past few weeks. ConCarolinas was too much fun, but it was just a temporary respite from the very sick dog I have at home. Now, a week later, she is better...but she is older and the ick was pneumonia which is hard. So...I was watching the Tony Awards and wishing, as I do every year, that I had not given up on theatre when it got hard and I was doing the thing that makes my heart happy...and I came across Paradise Square and it is now on my TO SEE list. The last note that the actor hits had me plastered to the back of the couch. I'm talking Christine from Phantom, Javert from Les Mis and Phillipa Soo in Hamilton PLASTERED. Hopefully things will be better by next Monday.
(Lyrics not added because the video has CC capability, hallelujah.)30 May 2022
Music Monday: The Power of Kate Bush
If you watch Stranger Things, then you know why I titled this post what I did. If you don't, and you are somehow not familiar with Kate Bush, you need to rectify that, soon.
29 May 2022
Upcoming Event: ConCarolinas 2022
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| In Author's Alley, ConCarolinas '21 |
Y'all, I'm trying not to lose my EVER LOVING MIND because... Star Trek. I think we can all agree that one will be a full on struggle between what I know (having watched ST all my life) and impostor syndrome. It should at least be entertaining, right?
I will also have copies of Red with me for either the Featured Author table or to sell out of my hotel room (I'm just kidding.) (Maybe.), so come find me and grab a signed copy. I'm not bringing all of my stock this time since I'm not going to be set up for the weekend, so it will probably just be Red and Strid.
Come see me! Have Geeky Fun! Do all the things! And if you see an aging Kaylee from Firefly cosplayer hiding in doorways, just point me in the direction of the lifts and mind ya bidness. Shiny.
23 May 2022
Music Monday: Stefania
Posted without commentary...except for Slava Ukraini! Heroyam slava! English lyrics in the video.
16 May 2022
Music Monday: Cuckoo
Y'all. I love Rising Appalachia...but this song is just AMAZING. I can't even put into words yet why it strikes me so, but I can tell you that this song speaks in the voice of one of the MCs and I am obsessed. Enjoy, won't you?
09 May 2022
Music Monday: T minus 7 days and counting...
...until I'm officially on my summer break from the DayJob™.
One Camp Nano is in the books and there is another coming up in a month and a half. There is one more appearance for us at the Georgia Renaissance Festival for Bryn's Rennie Retirement Weekend (more on that over on Our Daily Bryn). ConCarolinas is the first of June and ConGregate is in July. I'm feeling like I'm going to be gone a lot this summer, but it is mostly doing book stuff so that's always good. I was reminded of this song by a blog post and it figured in prominently in my recent nano, so I thought I'd share. Enjoy.
Gone, Gone, Gone
by Phil Philips
When life leaves you high and dry
I'll be at your door tonight
If you need help, if you need help
I'll shut down the city lights
I'll lie, cheat, I'll beg, and bribe
To make you well, to make you well
When enemies are at your door
I'll carry you away from war
If you need help, if you need help
Your hope dangling by a string
I'll share in your suffering
To make you well, to make you well
Give me reasons to believe
That you would do the same for me
And I would do it for you, for you
Baby, I'm not moving on
I'll love you long after you're gone
For you, for you
You will never sleep alone
I'll love you long after you're gone
And long after you're gone, gone, gone
When you fall like a statue
I'm gon' be there to catch you
Put you on your feet, you on your feet
And if your well is empty
Not a thing will prevent me
Tell me what you need
What do you need?
I surrender honestly
You've always done the same for me
So, I would do it for you, for you
Baby, I'm not movin' on
I'll love you long after you're gone
For you, for you
You will never sleep alone
I'll love you long after you're gone
And long after you're gone, gone, gone
You're my backbone
You're my cornerstone
You're my crutch when my legs stop moving
You're my headstart
You're my rugged heart
You're the pulse that I've always needed
Like a drum, baby, don't stop beating
Like a drum, baby, don't stop beating
Like a drum, baby, don't stop beating
Like a drum, my heart never stops beating
For you, for you
Baby, I'm not moving on
I'll love you long after you're gone
For you, for you
You will never sleep alone
I'll love you long after you're gone
For you, for you
Baby, I'm not movin' on
I'll love you long after you're gone
For you, for you
You will never sleep alone
I'll love you long, long after you're gone
Like a drum, baby, don't stop beating
Like a drum, baby, don't stop beating
Like a drum, baby, don't stop beating
Like a drum, my heart never stops beating for you
And long after you're gone, gone, gone
I'll love you long after you're gone, gone, gone
02 May 2022
Music Monday: On Leaving my Nano World...for now...
I added this song to my Camp Nanowrimo First Round for 2022 Playlist (I promise that's not the name of it) just on whim because I liked the music. But this song has a lot of the same themes as that WIP and I remember sitting up one night working on a scene where my MC meets his daughter - of course, he doesn't know that yet...and neither do you, dang it, SPOILERS! Anyway, it just fit the scene so well that at one point I was sitting in my bed with my eyes closed listening and typing. More on that MC and that story later. For now, enjoy a little Shinedown.
Unity
by Shinedown
And a picture of us
Even though it was framed
And covered in dust
It's the map in my mind that sends me on my way
They say it's never too late
To stop being afraid
And there is no one else here
So why should I wait?
And in the blink of an eye the past begins to fade
So have you ever been caught in a sea of despair?
And your moment of truth
Is the day that you say "I'm not scared"
Put your hands in the air
If you hear me out there
I've been looking for you day and night
Shine a light in the dark
Let me see where you are
'Cause I'm not gonna leave you behind
If I told you that you're not alone
And I show you this is where you belong
Put your hands in the air
One more time
One more time
I've seen a million miles
Met a million faces
Took all I knew
To reach all these places
And I'd do it again
If it brings me back to you
So have you ever been caught in a sea of despair?
And your moment of truth
Is the day that you say "I'm not scared"
Put your hands in the air
If you hear me out there
I've been looking for you day and night
Shine a light in the dark
Let me see where you are
'Cause I'm not gonna leave you behind
If I told you that you're not alone
And I show you this is where you belong
Put your hands in the air
One more time
Put your hands in the air
Put your hands in the air
If you hear me out there
I've been looking for you day and night
Shine a light in the dark
Let me see where you are
'Cause I'm not gonna leave you behind
If I told you that you're not alone
And I show you this is where you belong
Put your hands in the air
One more time
Put your hands in the air
One more time
25 April 2022
Music Monday: Ray of Light at the End of the Tunnel
How has Camp Nano flown by so quickly? I mean, there is still another one in July and Nano proper in November, but the gap between the end of November till the first of April seems so long. But we're not quite done yet...and if you think you know what I'm writing about this month, today's song should just flummox you a bit. Enjoy...and get up and dance, won't ya?
Ray of Light
by Madonna
Zephyr in the sky at night I wonder
Do my tears of mourning sink beneath the sun?
She's got herself a universe gone quickly
For the call of thunder threatens everyone
And I feel like I just got home
And I feel
And I feel like I just got home
And I feel
Faster than the speeding light she's flying
Trying to remember where it all began
She's got herself a little piece of Heaven
Waiting for the time when Earth shall be as one
And I feel like I just got home
And I feel
And I feel like I just got home
And I feel
Quicker than a ray of light
Quicker than a ray of light
Quicker than a ray of light
Zephyr in the sky at night I wonder
Do my tears of mourning sink beneath the sun?
She's got herself a universe gone quickly
For the call of thunder threatens everyone
And I feel
Quicker than a ray of light
Then gone for
Someone else will be there
Through the endless years
She's got herself a universe
She's got herself a universe
She's got herself a universe
And I feel
And I feel
And I feel like I just got home
And I feel
Quicker than a ray of light she's flying
Quicker than a ray of light I'm flying
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